


infatuation situation

by illay



Series: that one basic college au [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 22:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18949726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illay/pseuds/illay
Summary: A small frown plays at Mark’s features as his crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, in a small voice he adds a self-reassuring “I literally hugged you when we you were leaving for Christmas, what the hell.”Yukhei reaches across the table to squish at Mark’s cheek, “Ahh, so cute. I’m sure you’ll grow into it even more.” Yukhei’s hand gets swatted away and Mark’s brows furrow slightly.Renjun has to hide his face in his drink to stop himself from staring, a smile threatening to break at his lips upon seeing Mark’s bottom lip jutting out in a pout.





	infatuation situation

**Author's Note:**

> the most vanilla college au you've ever read.  
> my fav (the cheesiest) tropes stacked on top of each other wearing a trench coat pretending to be a fic.  
> enjoy~

🌱

Renjun had no idea a simple college party could turn his entire life upside-down. It is less of a class gathering (as originally stated by the host), and more of a general “Shuhua’s parents are out of town - let’s get drunk, it’s the first Friday of the spring semester” kind of thing - everyone is invited to join, freshmen, sophomores, anyone and everyone and their friends are free to come by.

Renjun ends up attending with his roommate Jeno just by sheer chance. It wasn’t really his scene, but the day of the party, at the campus cafeteria they meet Jeno’s bestie from his major, Donghyuck. Donghyuck simply, without any spite in his voice and without even looking at them, comments “everyone’s gonna be there, don’t play into the loser roles you’ve been digging for yourselves lately.” Jeno and Renjun share a pained glance over Donghyuck’s head as he’s inhaling his noodles. Jeno drags out an unconvinced, “I guess…” - he might not be into partying, but the boy never says no to free alcohol.

Donghyuck mentioned everyone. By everyone he most probably meant their group from the dorms - Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck. And as it became a habit, they’ll most probably end up drinking with the older guys from their faculty; almost surely Mark and Yukhei, plus maybe others - depending on who decides to show up at a freshman’s party.

Renjun wasn’t going to see it as a big deal, but right upon arriving at Shuhua’s he notices their dorm’s RA at the party - literally the first person he recognizes is an authority figure, as much as a friend of a friend can be, and he freezes for a second.

Jeno tugs at Renjun’s sleeve. “Have you seen a ghost or what? Come on already, Donghyuck said everyone will be here, so we better get to some drinks first”, the next remark seems to not be meant for Renjun, as Jeno utters in a low voice, “I can’t do this shit sober. Jaemin and Donghyuck are enough of a headache during day time.”

They stumble through the living room full of people into the kitchen. Renjun looks back into the room, wondering how this is even considered fun - someone’s house getting trashed, loud bassy music and stale air. Jeno pushes a can of beer into his hands. As if sensing Renjun’s reluctance towards this whole situation, he says with a small scoff, “It really is just as lame as in the movies, right?”

They both laugh and with a small cheers take the first sips from their drinks. The house is full to the brim, actual first college house party Renjun’s attended. They find their way outside into the backyard, the music here is muffled, air all fresh and there’s just a few people scattered around sitting on the lawn, enjoying one of the first really warm nights of the year. At the very back of the yard is a small veranda with plastic garden chairs and a long flimsy-looking table packed with cans and glasses gleaming under the soft fairy lighting hanging around.

“Jeno!!!!” someone from the veranda shouts and springs to their feet, albeit a bit clumsily, almost taking down the chair with them. Renjun recognizes him as an upperclassman from Jeno’s major, Yukhei; apparently, they met during orientation week back in September and although Yukhei is older than them, he’s always treated the freshmen kindly and as equals. Yukhei wobbles towards them, drink in hand and throws an arm around Jeno’s shoulder, “Come join us, Jaeminie said you’d show up”. Renjun and Jeno look back to the table and next to Yukhei’s empty spot is sitting no one else but Jaemin himself, his bright bleached hair shining under the lights, Jaemin sends them a somewhat awkward smile and a small wave. Yukhei’s smile directed at Jeno and Renjun is a bit blinding even in this low lighting, Renjun finds he doesn’t particularly mind, somehow this boy with a big bright presence seems to have a soothing effect on him.

Jeno and Renjun end up bringing additional chairs to the table, with Renjun sitting at the head, on his right are Donghyuck and Yukhei’s roommate Mark, on his left Jeno, Yukhei and Jaemin, and at the other end of the table is the RA Renjun’s seen earlier, Johnny. Renjun lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes Johnny isn’t about to make it into a big deal that freshmen are drinking in his presence. Johnny, as if sensing this sentiment, makes eye contact with Renjun and lifts up his glass for an acknowledging cheers, “No worries. This isn’t the dorms, I couldn’t give less of a shit about what you kids do here.”

🌱

“No, no, no, listen, that ain’t it, I promise!” Mark is positively shouting at this point, not considering that there is six people well within his earshot at the table - thus no reason to shout. It seems he simply _needs_ to get his point across to Yukhei who is laughing hysterically right across from him, both of them encouraged to be louder and louder by the shots they’ve been downing.

“Don’t think too hard about it, dude. I’m just saying - you are not an affectionate boy. Which is cool, I can dig that,” Yukhei gives Mark a toothy grin and an obnoxious wink right before he downs his drink.

“Ew, stop that you animal!” Mark warns. A pained yelp escapes Yukhei’s lips as Mark’s foot meets his shin. Jaemin looks up at him with a slight worry, placing one hand on Yukhei’s thigh under the table, earning him one of Yukhei’s soft smiles. A small frown plays at Mark’s features as his crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, in a small voice he adds a self-reassuring “I literally hugged you when we you were leaving for Christmas, what the hell.”

Yukhei reaches across the table to squish at Mark’s cheek, “Ahh, so cute. I’m sure you’ll grow into it even more.” Yukhei’s hand gets swatted away and Mark’s brows furrow slightly.

Renjun has to hide his face in his drink to stop himself from staring, a smile threatening to break at his lips upon seeing Mark’s bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

Jaemin leans closer to Yukhei to murmur something only for him to hear. His mouth curls into a small playful smile and Yukhei repays him with his signature grin. They share a moment that seems too private for Renjun to keep paying attention to. He wonders how Jaemin manages to be affectionate so easily, flirting with an older boy seemingly without a problem. H e wonders if he would ever get to that level of confidence as well.

🌱

All seven of them end up hanging out by the playground near Shuhua’s house, another round of drinks going around.

“Whaaaa, Donghyuckiee, you have to do well and listen to your upperclassmen, alright?” Yukhei is basically alternating between smothering Donghyuck and Jeno in hugs, swaying with them from side to side, telling them to listen to him as he is their Most Reliable Sophomore in the major. Maybe Jaemin is giving both Jeno and Donghyuck a stink eye from where he is sitting with his unfinished drink, but that’s neither here nor there. Yukhei, Donghyuck and Jeno end up in a huddle clumsily spinning in one spot chanting something about organic chemistry, the younger two just laughing at Yukhei’s antics.

Renjun knows he doesn’t need to drink more, he’s just dumbly laughing at everything his friends do at this point, two beers and a couple of shots in. Mark and Johnny are sharing a stolen bottle of vodka from the party, discussing something or another in lower voices. The happy loud pile of Yukhei, Donghyuck and Jeno gets split up and Donghyuck and Jeno end up racing to the swing set, at first both trying to climb the same swing and only after a few moments of struggling, Jeno seems to realize there is indeed a second unoccupied swing. They end up clumsily swinging back and forth, singing an out of tune pop song they jammed out to about an hour ago at Shuhua’s front lawn as the whole gang was leaving the party.

🌱

“You can’t just think I don't want to show my emotions or whatever the fuck. That’s bullshit! I can be affectionate!” Mark exclaims loudly, slurring his last syllables at this point. He’s standing tall in front of Yukhei - his tallest anyway, trying not to sway with the alcohol in his bloodstream, and Yukhei just keeps laughing, head thrown back, almost falling to the ground if it wasn’t for Jaemin holding him around the waist, Yukhei’s arm around his shoulder.

Mark seems to see Yukhei’s laughter as teasing and thus - a challenge.

Donghyuck, despite being normally loud to the point of annoying, keeps quiet now, alcohol probably lulling him to sleepiness. Mark sees that as easy prey and drapes an arm around his shoulder, other arm extending to Jeno. “I love all our precious freshmen,” he drawls and nuzzles into Jeno’s hair and then Donghyuck’s, “You kids are all so cute.” Jeno’s enthusiasm for anything shoots through the roof when he’s under the influence of alcohol, he holds Mark tight around his waist with both arms and just grins dumbly, scrunching up his face in a wide smile.

Renjun is still nursing his third beer of the night, a bit low on energy but still paying his full attention to what the others are doing. He sees Mark detach himself from Jeno and Donghyuck and tackle Jaemin instead. They stumble backwards, away from Yukhei. Mark clings to the boy and they sway together, Jaemin actually holding onto him and laughing loudly as he gets to listen to more of Mark’s nonsense “Jaeminie, so cute. I’ll take good care of you, promise.” He’s slurring his words at this point and Jaemin seems to find it hilarious because he keeps cackling as they both take a slow-motion dive to the ground.

Yukhei stumbles over and helps Mark to his feet first, by pulling him up by the collar of his jacket and sends him off in the general direction of the other kids. Then takes Jaemin’s hand to help him up as well. There’s the shortest moment of hesitation on Jaemin’s side as he gets to his feet and ends up in Yukhei’s personal space, his nose almost brushing at Yukhei’s jaw, the moment diffuses quickly and Jaemin giggles and shoves his face into Yukhei’s neck, who just envelopes him in a quick but a tight hug, a bright smile on his lips.

Jeno appears at Renjun’s side, “You’re zoning out again. Let me help you with this, I see you, you’re taking three years to finish a drink,” he tuts and takes Renjun’s beer from him, downing the last few gulps Renjun has been saving to avoid being offered more of the vodka that’s been circling around.

“Hey!” Renjun protests but it’s too late.

“Yuck! It’s warm and gross!” Jeno exclaims squishing up the empty can the best he manages. “Mark!” He waves the sophomore over to bring over the vodka bottle Yukhei abandoned in favor of pulling Jaemin to his feet before. In his drunken state, Mark complies easily.

Donghyuck plops down at Jeno’s feet and leans into the touch of Jeno’s hand in his hair. “You haven’t hugged Renjunie yet”, Donghyuck mewls from where he’s leaning against Jeno’s thigh.

The remark seems to fly over Renjun’s head until he hears Mark’s awkward forced laughter and notices him looking over. Jeno seems to like the idea of joining in Donghyuck’s nonsense this time and clasps Mark at the shoulder, pushing him one step towards Renjun, “You claimed to adore all of us. What about Renjun?” he challenges, wiggling his eyebrows a little and Donghyuck keeps laughing softly from the ground.

Renjun starts protesting, thinking he is helping Mark save face, “Yeah, no, it’s okay, really. I can imagine the love just well enough I guess-” then his eyes land on Mark approaching him, rubbing the back of his neck, looking at the toes of his shoes.

“But Renjunie… Donghyuckie is right, I can be affectionate with anyone, that’s what Yukhei claims I suck at. Help me prove the fucker wrong” there is that small pout again and he’s looking up at Renjun with his head bowed down slightly, as if expecting an evaluation.

Renjun looks over Mark’s shoulder back at Yukhei, the other sophomore is not paying attention to anyone or anything besides the drunk boy plastered to his side, but Renjun isn’t about to point that out. Mark is standing close enough for Renjun’s fingers to just curl into the hem of Mark’s sleeve in a quick fit of bravery, or curiosity rather. Mark’s eyes shoot up to look at him for a split of a second, eyes wide, and right away envelopes Renjun in a hug, nuzzling into the side of his head, the way he did with Jaemin just minutes before, swaying from side to side. Renjun can’t help but huff out a small laugh as he fists his hands in the back of Mark’s jacket.

He can’t be too sure, because being this close to the older boy makes him feel a bit dizzy on its own, but Renjun feels like their hug is lasting longer than Mark’s previous “affectionate endeavors” tonight. Maybe the alcohol is also doing a number on Renjun’s perception of time in this case, he wouldn’t put his hand in the fire for this, but he really feels like Mark is lingering in this hug longer than necessary. They’ve stopped swaying drunkenly from side to side and there are no giggles or silly promises of taking care of Renjun as his junior, like there were with the others before, just slow calm exhales against Renjun’s neck.

Mark is silent and just holds Renjun tight in his arms, and Renjun’s mind is filing away the vital information without him prompting it to - the way Mark fits against him, the way his nose has ended up just under Renjun’s ear. He can feel the brush of Mark’s lips and cheek against his skin as Mark nuzzles closer, Renjun feels himself shiver a little as goose bumps run all over his body in one moment. He wills his eyes to close, to take this moment in properly. He’s pretty sure, at the back of his mind, that this is a stupid idea and he should pull away, surely this hug is lasting too long, but something keeps him still where he is, be it curiosity or plain selfishness.

From afar it might seem like Mark is leaning into him due to his drunk state and Renjun is just holding him up, but Renjun can feel the way Mark’s nose brushes under his hairline, he can hear the faint slurred words, although he can’t make them all out right away, “Like orange soda. Smells nice, Renjunie”.

“Huh?” Renjun does pull away a little at that, putting a few inches between them.

Mark’s gaze catches at Renjun’s cheek where he’s been nuzzling into, he chuckles - half awkward, half nonchalant - a weird mixture Renjun can’t figure out yet, “Said you smell nice, your hair smells like orange juice on a summer day.” Renjun registers Mark inhaling as he buries his nose in Renjun’s hair again, and soon he can feel Mark’s fingertips at the nape of his neck and further up in his hair, fingernails softly scraping against his skin there.

Renjun visibly shudders and lets out a breathy gasp, hands still tightly fisted in the back of Mark’s jacket. Mark’s embrace relaxes, and he pulls away, letting his hands slowly run down from Renjun’s neck to the small of his back. He smiles into the space between them and mumbles, “I’m hungry, aren’t you hungry?”

Renjun can feel his face heating up, now that the moment is over, he feels simultaneously warm and cold all over. “I- what?” is all he manages to exhale, as his hands are letting go of Mark’s jacket on their own.

Mark doesn’t look up at him and just spins in place, out of Renjun’s reach, like the last moments weren’t just supposed to leave Renjun speechless. Into the general space of their scattered friend group he says, “Let’s go eat, the diner near science building is open 24/7.”

Jaemin and Yukhei are off to the side, Jaemin’s arms around Yukhei’s waist under his leather jacket, leaning into Yukhei and mumbling something against his neck. As Jaemin registers Mark’s proposal, he ducks his head, “‘m tired. Wanna go home”. Yukhei pulls him closer by the shoulder, smiles at him big and bright, eyes hiding in the small crescents, “Don't you wanna eat something? We can share something small at least. You should eat after a night out, Jaeminie.” Jaemin looks up at him and his lips also break into a soft smile, as if Yukhei just voiced the best idea ever. He nods “Yeah, okay, I’ll go then!”

Donghyuck and Jeno start picking each other off the ground - resulting in them just falling on their asses again; Johnny helps them both to their feet, “These two need food, and to sober up. I won’t tolerate any puking in the hallways back at the dorms, understood?” he shakes both Jeno and Donghyuck to get a reaction out of them - gets a mumbled “yes, sir” in a wannabe unison.

🌱

“No, no, no, noooo, I did what now?!” Mark holds his head above his bowl of soup, staring into it, fingers buried in his fringe, making his hair stick out all funny. Opposite of him are sitting Johnny and Yukhei with their own hangover remedies - the best the dorm canteen could offer anyway.

Yukhei groans as he stretches his neck from side to side, rubbing the back of it, “Can you shut up? My hangover is getting a migraine from you.”

After a night out, they would always get together for late breakfast, regardless of the actual time, and try to recount the events of the night before; to see if anyone remembers anything embarrassing, if there is any blackmail material on their phones worth sharing, laughing over or deleting.

The events of last night don’t seem so bad, at least not to Johnny and Yukhei. They got drunk with the freshmen from Johnny’s dorm, hung out by the playground, Jeno got a scraped knee from when they were chasing each other with Donghyuck (there’s a video on Johnny’s phone), later they all ate some junk food at 3am in a cheap diner, all cramped into one booth (a clumsy selfie as evidence - courtesy of Yukhei - where only Yukhei looks decent with a bright smile). Oh, and then there’s the Mark Thing, with no photographic evidence, lucky for Mark’s mental well-being.

Johnny and Yukhei seem to think Mark is only embarrassed about being all touchy-feely with the younger boys in general. And it’s true it’s a bit out of character for him, therefore a little awkward maybe, but Mark’s main pain point here is definitely Renjun. The second Yukhei reminded him he’d hugged all the kids, Mark’s mind just flew through the memories of being close to Donghyuck, Jeno and Jaemin and his subconsciousness obviously lingered at Renjun, his warmth and the citrusy smell of his hair.

The boy let Mark hold him close in silence, held him back like he wanted Mark in his space for real, all quiet and patient, expectant of what Mark’s intentions were. Not that Mark could vouch for those in this case. He always thought he just found the freshman cute; soft smile showing one crooked tooth, nice soothing voice and pretty, pretty side profile. But then he got into Renjun’s proximity when drunk, when somewhat on a dare to be affectionate, and suddenly he was all over the boy, touching him way too intimately, borderline inappropriately. Mark groans remembering the details, hating himself a tad bit more than moments before.

“Ah, come on! It’s chill. So, you were all cutesy with the new kids, big fucking deal,” Johnny rolls his eyes as if Mark was overreacting. Which he isn’t.

“Also, they won’t remember!” Yukhei reasons. “If you’re embarrassed, I have it on good authority that Jaemin doesn’t remember that part, so there’s a good chance the others won’t either.”

Mark lets go of his hair and smiles at Yukhei a bit wickedly which makes him look slightly manic, with his hair sticking out in all directions. “Oh, so you managed to text with him today already, huh?”

“Shut up. And it’s not like that,” Yukhei protests, with arms crossing over his chest he sinks in further into his seat, frowning, “He’s just the only one of the kids whose number I have. So, yeah, fucking sue me for asking if they got home safe.” The lasting gleeful expression on Mark’s face is testing Yukhei’s patience greatly. “And shut up, I said. I can hear you thinking you know something you have no idea about. Jaemin is simply a clingy drunk, that’s all. These things don't mean anything with him.” Yukhei resolves to just playing with his food on his tray, pushing it from one edge of the plate to the other.

As if Mark’s suffering was a better entertainment than Yukhei’s sulking, Johnny steers the conversation to him again. “Anyway. The kids drank. Donghyuck and Jeno won't remember shit. and Renjun…” Johnny and Yukhei share a quick glance. “He won’t mind,” Johnny concludes.

“Yeah, he’s definitely cool with all that,” Yukhei adds, a smile back on his face after the momentary sulking.

“What does that-” Mark starts when he gets interrupted by Johnny again, looking over Mark’s shoulder.

“Ah, speak of the devil…,” Johnny smiles at someone behind Mark.

Mark turns around patting down his hair, a confused expression freezing on his face right as he sees the four freshmen approaching with their own trays of food. Yukhei smiles wide at Jaemin, and all four boys eventually find their places at the table; Jaemin by Yukhei’s side, Donghyuck next to Johnny, opposite of him Jeno and then there’s three more seats, Mark in the middle one.

Renjun stands above Jeno, a slight frown playing at his features. “Can you move?” he utters to his roommate in a low tone.

Jeno is already stuffing his face with his stew, just frowns and looks up at Renjun, with his mouth full he says, “Don't be difficult and sit down wherever. I got here first.” He motions for Renjun to sit between himself and Mark.

Renjun scowls but obliges, unwilling to meet Mark’s gaze right away, still traumatized by the last night’s events. Renjun’s trauma isn’t about hugging Mark, it’s about how much he’s been thinking of it since, how much he liked it and wished for it to not end. The night took them to the 24/7 diner Mark seemed to pick in a hurry as they were pulling away. There Renjun ended up sitting at the edge of the booth by Jeno; he found himself dumbly disappointed he was sitting so far away from Mark. The whole time at the diner he was eating his fries in silence, contemplating the whole encounter from before.

And as much as tipsy Renjun was disappointed not sitting next to Mark then, a sober Renjun would be much rather anywhere else in the world right now. Renjun is terrified it’s obvious, he’s scared his face is as red as it feels. Just seeing Mark again made him recall the last night’s feelings and now without any alcohol in his bloodstream, he’s also acutely aware of the flutters in his stomach as well - it wasn’t just the drinks sloshing around in his tummy after all. It didn’t get better compared to last night as he was hoping - it’s actually gotten worse. Renjun ducks his head and focuses on his meal before he can do something stupid like glance over at Mark and feel the knot in his tummy tighten again.

Instead of worrying about himself Renjun directs his attention to Jaemin and Yukhei for a while, and their seemingly small and private bubble.

“Would you like some?” Jaemin pushes his pudding cup closer to Yukhei’s tray.

“Huh?” Yukhei has been just playing with the rest of his meal. He drops the fork and looks at Jaemin, features softening a bit as he’s met with Jaemin’s smile directed at him.

“You shared food with me last night, remember? We had one milkshake and shared fries, too…?”

Yukhei huffs out a small laugh “Ah, so you remember that? You said you didn’t remember much.”

“Uhm, maybe not the playground, I remember the diner just well enough though. Didn’t drink as much as Hyuck and Jeno,” Jaemin sneers in their direction and laughs a little as Donghyuck and Jeno both grumble miserably in their terrible hangovers.

Johnny sits up, leaning on his elbows and clears his throat “So, none of you kids remember the playground bit, then?” Johnny is very obviously eyeing Mark who pretends his bowl of soup hides the deepest secrets of the universe and nothing could be more interesting than that.

Jeno frowns, as if deep in thought, puts the end of the spoon to his lips, “I have some bruises and newly tattered jeans. But as for actual memories…. none. But here mister loser probably remembers everything,” Jeno motions to Renjun, “fucker didn’t even drink with us properly.”

“I did drink, okay? Just because I don't black out, …don't pretend like it doesn’t count,” Renjun adds in a small voice with a pout and absolutely refuses to look anywhere but at his plate.

For a reason unknown to the freshmen, Johnny’s lips break into a ridiculous grin while he’s still maintaining eye contact with Mark. To Renjun he asks, “So, you remember all the-? Events? That took place at the playground, I mean?”

Renjun frowns, not liking how much this sounds like Johnny is just playing out a prank or something, on his way to ridicule Renjun for not drinking or whatever his problem is. And the fact he’s still exchanging glances with Mark is not helping Renjun’s peace of mind here at all. “I’m not aware of any memory loss, no. Why is it so important?” Renjun’s frown deepens as he sits up straight, trying to appear bigger and taller, less afraid.

Next to Renjun, Mark’s forehead connects with the tabletop with a loud thud.

“No reason”, Johnny smiles leaning back in his seat.

Jaemin snorts into his fist, trying to contain the laughter and Donghyuck makes a face at Mark’s groaning form, “Is he ok?”

“Tough morning today” Yukhei says.

“It’s like two pm or something,” Jeno informs.

“As I said. Tough morning.” Yukhei shrugs and picks up the pudding cup, directing a smile at Jaemin; back in their comfortable private space.

🌱

Late afternoon that Saturday finds Mark hanging out at their dorm room with Yukhei, waiting for Johnny, so they can all go visit Yuta and Taeil for dinner. The hangover is more or less gone, and Mark finds himself in a hazy, bored state, lying on his bed, just playing with his phone in his hands without even looking at it.

“I hate you, by the way,” Mark exhales nonchalantly, locking and unlocking the screen on his phone absentmindedly.

Yukhei isn't paying him no attention, thumbs tapping away at his phone at rapid speed, face glowing.

“Are you listening? You made me make a total fool out of myself last night.”

Yukhei puts down the phone making a serious face, “Okay, okay, hold on. First of all, you’re always a fool, don't limit that to last night only. And second of all, you don't need me to help you with that, you manage behaving like a dumbass on your own, thank you very much.”

A pillow comes flying at Yukhei, Mark laughs, “Oh fuck off.”

Yukhei hugs the pillow and gets a bit more comfortable on his bed “Seriously though. You only feel embarrassed because of Renjun, dude. It’s not a big deal. You saw him today. He seemed chill.”

Mark scowls at him, “You don't know that, first of fucking all. And second, don't pretend like you know everything just because you hit a fucking jackpot with Jaemin, okay?”

Yukhei scoffs a fake laugh, “Yeah, sure.”

“Oh, don't play coy, alright? You two are so obvious, probably fucking NASA picked up on it already.”

Yukhei gets a bit annoyed too easily whenever Jaemin is mentioned, Mark noticed that much in the last couple of days. “I told you to cut that out. We’re not anything. I don't even know if he would be hypothetically interested or if he’s into boys or whatever. And don't you dare tell me I should be making a move - I can see it on your face that you think I should - I'm not about to fuck things up. Things are great the way they are.”

“Well. He’s definitely your type, though.” Yukhei glares at him, which only prompts Mark to continue, to make his point, “I mean - he’s cute and smiles all the time like it’s his fucking job. Also, you’ve always been a sucker for artists, didn’t you date like three people from that faculty last year or something?”

Yukhei looks away with a big fat pout on his lips, disregarding Mark’s last point, “I think things are good and if this is how it works between us, then this is how it works,” his mouth breaks into a small reassuring smile as he looks back up at Mark, “It’s all good.”

Mark holds his palms up in a surrender, “Whatever you say, dude.”

“And while we’re at the topic of things being good the way they are - about Renjun. Maybe next time you see him, test the waters. Be friendly. You’re not the most affectionate but you’re plenty friendly. Kid’s bound to like you.”

Mark lets out a breathy laugh, “Yeah we’ll see about that.”

Mark lets that idea make a comfortable nest in his mind - being friendly with the freshmen. He thinks it might be good if he were to be friendly with Renjun specifically, to discard any awkwardness there might be from last night. It might be still possible to fix things.

🌱

“Yuta and Taeil seem to have settled down nicely,” Johnny remarks as the three of them are leaving the subway station near the dorms after the dinner.

“Of course they have. They’ve been married since like middle school or something,” Mark retorts, swaying back and forth with the bag of leftovers Yuta has packed for them.

“They met in college, dumbass. And it wasn’t all honeymoon from the start. You weren’t here for it back then but, for full three years we all had to watch them be in love without them making it official, without them even knowing I think. Ugh, a true pain in the ass.”

“I feel like I know what you mean,” Mark side-eyes Yukhei, dopey smile on the boy’s face illuminated by his phone screen.

“Yeah, it’s something like that,” Johnny agrees.

🌱

The weeks roll by and Renjun doesn’t even notice the time fly by, what with the semester getting into its hectic pace. Donghyuck and Renjun are spending the last Thursday afternoon before midterms in the library, working on assignments for their toughest classes respectively. Donghyuck has three textbooks open around him, a few scrap papers and his notes as well, face illuminated by his laptop where he every once in a while types a sentence or two.

“This fucking lab will be the death of me. Why give us the most complicated lab practice for the midterm week? Everyone in their right mind would grade us on the labs alone and just give us a quiz for finals or something. But nooo. Mister This Will Be The Most Intense Organic Chemistry Class Of Your Undergrad Life surely delivers with 6 labs and two big tests.”

Renjun is trying to find a specific passage in his environmental law textbook by quickly flipping through the pages, making the paper ripple through the air, totally disinterested in the fact he’s probably tearing some of the pages as he goes. “You at least still have until next week, right? I have to somehow get this fucking paper together until tomorrow.”

Donghyuck huffs out a laugh, nose buried in his notes, “And whose fault is that? No one forced you to procrastinate it this long, you know.”

Renjun is positively despairing now. It’s one thing to procrastinate and it’s another thing to completely forget you have a paper due. He lets his forehead drop onto a random page and whines, “I legit just forgot. I thought we were supposed to turn in a _draft_ two weeks after midterms, not the whole thing _before_ midterms. I learned about the assignment literally 48 hours ago.”

“Well. What’s done is done. At least you learned your organization skills suck and next time you’ll actually read your syllabus before throwing it away or something.”

“Ugh, okay, shut up. You’re the worst, actually. Not helpful at all.”

Totally unfazed by Renjun’s sentiment, Donghyuck moves on from the topic of school. They’ve had their heads full only of that lately anyway. “Right. Anyway. Next week? Saturday after midterms hell is over, there’s the game we’re going to. You joining?”

Renjun drops his highlighter, smearing some of the ink on the side of his palm. “Fuck,” he utters as he’s trying to wipe the sickly green off his hand. “What game and who is this we you’re talking about?”

Donghyuck frowns and fishes for his phone, unlocking it quickly checking the messaging app “You really are totally out of loop. You are in the group chat though, right? Jeno added you like first day after Christmas break or something.”

“Uh sure. But I have the notifs muted. You guys talk too much. The amount of texts Jaemin sends during one day would be sufficient to last me as two weeks of communication with him.”

Donghyuck regards Renjun for a moment before putting his phone back into his pocket. “Understandable. The boy really loves texting, doesn’t he? I feel like I haven’t seen him without a phone in his hand in ages. Anyway. Next Saturday. Basketball game. Both Yukhei and Mark are playing and Jaemin Jeno and I are going. You could come, too. You know, support your faculty or whatever,” he says with a shrug.

Renjun takes a moment to think it over, putting one and one together. “This isn’t Jaemin’s faculty though. Doesn’t arts have their own team or something?”

“First of all, no. Their team sucks, so they don't compete. Second of all, okay, so Jaemin is going for Yukhei.”

“Surprisingly to absolutely no one,” Renjun adds.

“Exactly,” Donghyuck agrees. “But anyway. you could come, just saying. you’re always hiding inside that head of yours, it would do you good seeing your friends every once in a while.”

“Shut up. I'm plenty sociable. We’re hanging out now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. Dude, but we’re doing assignments. You could as well sit here with your classmates - that is if you bothered to make any friends among them.” Donghyuck glances at the clock above the entrance to the library. “Shit,” he starts packing up his notes and laptop in a hurry, Renjun is sure he just saw Donghyuck shut a whole notepad into his laptop. “I’m late for study group. Gotta dash now!” and with that he’s walking briskly away. Donghyuck turns around one last time, “And look at the group chat sometimes, dumbass!”

Renjun watches Donghyuck leave the library in an almost-jog and takes out his phone with a pout and opens the group chat. He scrolls mindlessly for a few moments, just to have all the messages on read, scrolling past pictures of cats Jaemin met on his way to class, some memes from Jeno and music recommendations from Donghyuck. Nothing to lose sleep over, after all, but Renjun promises himself he’ll keep a closer eye on the group chat in the future.

He’s aware he doesn’t socialize as much as he could maybe. But he’s always preferred to hang out with someone one-on-one, not really into group outings. And his easiest target for that should be his own roommate, Jeno. But usually, where Jeno goes, Donghyuck follows and thus also Jaemin and suddenly Renjun doesn’t feel as needed, doesn’t feel that strong desire to spend time with everyone anymore. At least not as often.

He gets to hang out with Donghyuck and Jeno, sometimes also Jaemin. Once or twice he was having lunch with Jaemin when Yukhei showed up - there was that small pinch of jealousy in Renjun’s gut again as he saw them interact so seamlessly; a stupid unjustified feeling of ‘I could never

Renjun doesn’t even remember the last time they all hung out together also with the older boys - probably the fated party at the beginning of the semester. Thankfully, everyone got drunk there enough to not have clear memories of the night - except for Renjun. He’s had to live with the feeling of otherness for five weeks now. He sometimes lets his mind wander and ponder on if he’s really so naive that he’d be still pathetically thinking of a harmless hug between friends - acquaintances, if he’s really the only one remembering all of it.

Renjun’s now totally mindless scrolling in the group chat is disturbed by a “1 new message” flashing at the top of the screen. He’s managed to scroll back to early April, not paying any attention whatsoever to the contents by now, he decides to check the newest addition to the chat.

hyuckhyuck:  
i see renjun has us on read now B) so i just want to remind everyone (@renjun specifically tbh) that were going to the game next weekend and now that uve got a weeks notice, theres no way you can get out of it now~

Renjun sighs and pockets his phone, enough of distractions now, he really needs to get this dumb paper together. He glances at the clock; deadline is midnight, still 8 hours to go, he needs ten more pages, if he will have to take a break - which he will have to eventually, that reduces his time to 7 hours let’s say, so he needs to get about page and a half done in an hour. That would be a record to get that feat done once, not seven times in a row. Renjun is absolutely screwed.

About three hours into typing furiously on his laptop - and checking the wordcount desperately every ten minutes - Renjun finally gets to his feet. He shoots the clock above the entrance a glance to confirm what he just saw in the corner of his laptop screen, it’s half past eight and he decides to write up a begging email to his professor asking for an extension on the deadline as soon as he sits his ass back down. Right after he lets his back and legs rest a little.

Already drafting the desperate email in his head, Renjun walks to the vending machine, past the last few people still suffering at the library without paying them any mind. He gets a coffee and just hangs out by the vending machines for a bit, stirring the nasty dark liquid before taking a sip. Renjun sighs and leans back against the wall, closing his eyes just for a second to give them rest from the fluorescent light of the library.

Was college really supposed to be this hard? It’s not like he just slacked off all half of the semester, he got almost everything done on time. But one forgotten assignment and his life is hell and Renjun’s physical form is reduced to a ball of stress and anxiety - at least that’s what he imagines he looks like right now, whatever a Ball Of Stress looks like - that’s Renjun.

Maybe Donghyuck was right. Maybe he really should befriend some kids from his major as well. For real befriend. Renjun has been friendly with some of his classmates, sometimes they compare notes and assignments just few minutes before turning them in - which is the least helpful thing in existence, always just gives Renjun a reason to worry for the rest of the day when he sees a classmate added something or another to his project which Renjun didn’t think of. He should maybe go beyond that and be actually friendly, get into some group chats with some classmates who would be up for study groups sometimes or something. Then he might be reminded of stupid papers like this one and spare himself a ton of stress and self-loathing.

Renjun groans when he sees the time on the big annoying clock again - will his professor really be checking his inbox at nine pm just to make sure all his students are making the deadline? Highly improbable. Renjun should get on it then, send the email just to cover all his bases, then despair until midnight with the paper and submit the best he can.

Renjun’s gaze falls to a singular student hunched over his laptop sitting in a narrow spot under the stairs only a few meters away. There’s a fluffed-up part of dark hair peeking from behind the laptop screen which Renjun identifies as Mark’s only once the boy sits up straight and Renjun gets to see his face illuminated by the screen, eyebrows creased in a frown, thin-framed glasses low on his nose, lips slightly parted as if in a mild shock or disbelief, or most probably deep concentration.

The whole picture gets engraved into Renjun’s memory right away without him wanting it or even trying. He never saw Mark in the studying habitat; hair completely unstyled and the glasses on his face, that’s new. The comfortable oversized clothes have always been part of Mark’s appearance, now only enhancing the real student during midterms look. Renjun's gut clenches a bit in some new sort of anticipation which he doesn’t necessarily appreciate. It might be just his tummy’s reaction to coffee on an empty stomach though. Renjun absolutely refuses to dwell on it.

He doesn’t even get a chance to really dwell on anything because in that second Mark’s eyes dart to him, their gazes meeting. Renjun stands by the vending machine with his coffee, and no excuse of why he’s been watching Mark for the last minute or so. Mark’s lips quirk into a small smile and he nods in Renjun’s direction as a form of greeting.

Renjun doesn’t realize this, but his own cheeks lift in a weak smile as well. He figures it would be rude to simply walk away now so he detaches himself from the wall he’s been leaning on and makes his way over to the sophomore.

“What keeps you here so late?” Mark asks, tone light, before dropping his gaze back to his laptop screen, fingers typing frantically.

Renjun sits down across from Mark, “I could ask you the same thing.” After a beat of silence that Mark doesn’t fill, Renjun focuses his gaze on his coffee instead of the sophomore and continues “I have a paper due tonight and still am missing a solid chunk. Need to think of an excuse, or acceptable apology and a plea of why the deadline should be postponed for me.” Renjun shrugs weakly, holding the paper cup in both hands on the table, elbows close to his body.

“Shit, dude, that sucks. I have a midterm project that’s nowhere near finished as well. If I can make this fucking code work…” he trails off, clicking with his mouse rapidly couple of times. Mark frowns and there’s the pout on his lips again that Renjun can’t help but notice every single time, and every single time his attention gets stuck at it as well. Mark sighs and looks up at him, pulling Renjun out of his daze. “What are you majoring in, by the way? Sorry, I know Yukhei’s kids and Jaemin’s major, but. Not so sure about yours.”

In an alternative universe where Renjun cared, he would feel jealous - jealous that Mark knows of Jaemin and Donghyuck and Jeno, and not him. But this is not an alternative universe, and in this world Renjun feels just the slightest pang in the center of his chest for a split of a second. It’s not jealousy. “‘S okay. I'm in agroscience. This year just struggling with law and basic mechanics. Next year should be better, I hope.”

“Oh yeah, for sure. Trust me, it was the same for me. In applied math and computer science you’d expect actual work on computers, but freshman year was just all sorts of math and geometry and shit. I still have nightmares about basic two-point perspective, to be honest. But this year,” he hits the enter key on his keyboard a couple of times in frustration, probably hoping that whatever didn’t work for him before, now miraculously would, “this year we finally got to actual coding, and its. just. as. shit,” each word earning its own jab into the enter key apparently. “Now also simple html will give me nightmares,” he looks up at Renjun with a weak smile then.

Renjun returns the gesture with a huffed out laugh and clears his throat, “Well. I should probably leave you to it then. And get to my own stuff.”

“Oh, sure, yeah, whatever. See you around then,” Mark simply gets back to his work without sparing Renjun another glance.

Renjun gets to his feet, fumbles with his empty coffee cup for a few moments, ready to return to his spot, when a small fit of bravery or rather curiosity overpowers him and he turns back to Mark, “You’re playing a game next weekend, right?” he hasn’t even decided yet if he’s going, but now it seems like he’s about to commit to it. “Donghyuck said to come, support the science faculty and all.” Renjun wants a reaction, a stupid kind of curiosity makes him want Mark’s attention. He’s getting none of that and his heart sinks a little.

“Uh yeah, there’s a game. Cool. so... I’ll see you all there? I think?” he says it in a tone that suggests he doesn’t really care if any of them show up or not, still not looking at Renjun.

“Right.” Renjun concludes this little experiment a failure and starts to leave with a sigh.

“Renjun!” Mark grasps his attention without any problem, making Renjun turn back to him - getting attention and a reaction, achieving so easily what Renjun just failed at. “Listen,” Mark starts in a small voice, “you remember the first party after the break?”

Renjun doesn’t say anything, lets Mark continue, wants to see where this is supposed to go. His breath, however, catches in his throat and he has to swallow on empty.

Mark hints, “Shuhua’s place? We went to the diner later,” he’s looking at Renjun with his head slightly bowed, looking up at him from above his glasses, as if ready to be assessed, just like back then in the playground when he walked up to him.

“I remember that night, yeah” Renjun speaks only a few words, to not let his voice betray him.

“And the playground?” Mark adds, as if he’s hoped Renjun would not remember that part.

“And the playground,” Renjun confirms, he’s frowning slightly now, still confused about where this is going, what this is all about.

Mark sighs, “Right, so. I just wanted to say - I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable there. Really. I mean I know it’s long overdue and it’s uncool of me now and all, but maybe we’ll get to hang out with others more often and I just don't want things to be-” he trails off, as if looking for the right word.

The word to use is more than obvious to Renjun, “Awkward?”

“Yeah, I don't want things to be awkward because of me,” Mark’s face does the thing where he wants to offer a smile, but his features betray him and he ends up showing a grimace instead.

A small exhale of a laugh escapes Renjun’s lips. “Have you apologized also to the others? You were all over all of us if I remember well,” Renjun remembers way too well.

“Ah, no,” Mark rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment, “they were drunk, don’t remember any of it, and - also, it was a bit different? I suppose.” he looks to the side, probably assessing why he didn’t feel the need to apologize to others.

“I’m just teasing you. No sweat. It’s cool,” Renjun looks at his own toes, unwilling to look at Mark, knowing full well his expression would betray him, “If we get to hang out more with everyone, let’s not be awkward then? If that’s what you want.”

Mark smiles at him wide, relieved, “Yeah. That would be pretty neat. Thanks, man, and again. I'm sorry. It didn’t mean - I didn’t mean anything by it. I'm pretty normal, usually, even when I drink, I promise.”

Renjun’s eyes shoot up back to Mark’s face, giving him a small, somewhat defeated smile. “Understood,” is all he can offer in response.

🌱

Late that night Renjun lies in his bed, the only source of light in the room being his phone right above his face, eyes scanning the group chat.

There’s an emoji galore from Jeno in response to Donghyuck’s reminder about the game and then Jaemin’s despairing selfies he took at the studio with the canvas that are most probably his midterm assignment.

Renjun hovers with his thumb above the send button for a moment.

renjun:  
count me in for the game then.

Send.

🌱

The midterm week sucks, as expected. By the end of it, Renjun is exhausted and ready to start an annual cycle of aestivation. On Friday evening he just crashes into his bed as soon as he’s back at the dorm and the world could be damned for the next twenty-four hours for all he cares.

But Saturday greets Renjun way too soon. It’s way too early when there’s a knock on their door. Renjun barely manages to roll over in his bed to face the source of the sound, and open at least one eye, when Jeno is already answering the door, just a huge yawn coming the way of whoever came see them at this ungodly hour.

“Rise and shine, losers. We’re getting breakfast before the game,” comes a way too loud and awake voice of Donghyuck.

Renjun groans, stretching in his bed, fumbling for his phone. One quick glance at the clock and he’s already regretting he agreed to go to the game at all. “Why are you being difficult when its barely ten am?” his voice comes out in a croak, still heavy with sleep.

Donghyuck sits down at the edge of Renjun’s bed, Renjun nudges his side with his foot, pretend-trying to shove him off, catching Donghyuck’s attention, “Oh fancy seeing you too, Renjunie. Welcome back among the living. You legit slept for over 12 hours, so don't you dare complain about the time now. Everything was mentioned in the group chat anyway,” he adds defiantly.

Renjun curls up into a fetal position and pulls up the covers to his nose, so only his eyes and hair are sticking out. “Oh, fuck off, I finished only yesterday, you know. Didn’t have time for your social media bullshit. Also, didn’t you guys sleep for 12 hours after this week as well?” he tries to stifle it, but a yawn escapes him nevertheless.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, Renjun doesn’t see it, but he’s sure it’s happened. “Well, we’re done since Wednesday. Not that you would have any idea since you were basically MIA since Tuesday.”

Jeno peeks out from the wardrobe where he’s been struggling to find anything to wear. Doing laundry isn't his strongest suit. “Oh yeah, I thought I was gonna have to look for a new roommate, thought you took a permanent residency at the library or something.”

Renjun finally sits up, flattening down the mess on his head and rubs his face to wake up, “You know I can’t work here properly.  Dunno, it’s just easiest to get shit done there. And there was a lot of shit this week,” Renjun whines.

“Okay, okay, grumpy pants,” Donghyuck pats his shin, “Get dressed and meet me and Jaemin by the cafeteria in twenty. We’ll get breakfast also for you. Or rather, I will be getting the breakfast, I bet that dumbass hasn’t even showered yet,” he stands to leave, “Also possible late lunch with everybody today - that’s for you Renjun, everything-”

Renjun interrupts his sentence to finish it for him, “Everything is in the group chat, sure, I know I know, get out of here already.”

🌱

There is big basketball court outside on campus with nice spacious seating. They find four seats quickly, each of them with snacks in hand - Donghyuck’s generous contribution.

“Fuck, at least the weather is nice,” Jeno comments, “Imagine it would be piss raining like two weeks ago, I’d demand a refund.”

“You’re here for free, but okay, go off I guess,” Jaemin says dismissively, eyes peeled for when the players come out. They’re sitting close, in third row, so there’s no way he’s gonna miss it, but he stays alert anyway.

More people file in to find seats and Jaemin jumps up out of the blue, startling Jeno besides him who almost spills his drink. “Yuqi!” Jaemin calls and walks out of their row to stop by the girl from his major.

Yuqi smiles at him, “Jaeminie, no way. Didn’t know you were so into sports to come to a game.”

Jaemin waves his hand in front his face and shakes his head no, “Oh. no, I'm here supporting a friend from science. And you? Didn’t take you for the biggest basketball fan either,” he’s smiling at her brightly, Yuqi has that effect on people. She’s the first sophomore who talked to Jaemin in September, has always been nice and friendly.

Yuqi giggles, “No no, gods, no. I'm here ‘cause Yukhei is playing, also one of my friends wanted to come. So, killing two birds with one stone here, really.”

Jaemin’s smile freezes on his lips for a second, “You know Yukhei, then? That’s one of the friends I'm here to support.”

Yuqi seems not to have noticed Jaemin’s hesitance and just continues, “Yeah! We met in orientation week in freshman year. Then dated for a bit around Christmas last year, too. He’s a good friend.”

Jaemin stumbles over his own thoughts and words a little, “Oh. so... you’re here to support your ex?”

“Sure!” she exclaims, “We’re not awkward with each other or anything, no hard feelings after the breakup or such. Why? Does it seem weird?”

Jaemin fidgets a little with the hem of his sleeve, gaze falling to the ground, “I mean. Not weird. Just surprising,” Jaemin trails off.

Yuqi’s smile softens and she touches Jaemin’s elbow to grasp his attention again, “He’s still one of the best people I know. We broke up simply because it wasn’t working, he can just be a bit intense at times. Like. When he likes you, he really lets you know, it can be a bit a too much for some people, that’s all.”

When he likes you, he lets you know. Jaemin’s mouth provides an autopilot answer, “No, yeah. That’s. Understandable, sure.”

Yuqi’s face brightens up again as her hand flies up in the air, “Look, there they are!” she cups her mouth with both her palms and calls “Yukheeeeei!”

The players are spreading across the court, Yukhei localizes where his name was called from and with a smile bright on his face waves with his arms above his head for several seconds in their direction, still running. When their gazes meet, Jaemin’s lips break into a smile again, too, despite himself, and he sends a small wave back at Yukhei as well.

Yuqi’s gaze falls to Jaemin, taking in his somewhat somber expression as he’s looking at the court. “I better go find my friend,” she turns her attention to scanning the crowd above them, “It was nice seeing you, Jaemin. Tell Yukhei I said hi if you guys hang out afterwards or something.” And with a small wave directed at Jaemin she leaves.

🌱

“The kids should be here any minute,” Johnny announces as they’re getting seated at the barbecue place just outside of campus.

“Good job organizing this by the way, thanks, man,” Mark admits.

Johnny just shrugs, “I haven’t seen them in forever and now finally midterms are over, so no one has any excuse why not to hang out.”

Yukhei pulls his chair closer, “You haven’t seen us in forever either, though, right?” he asks in an obnoxious, obviously purposefully annoying tone.

“Wrong,” Johnny deadpans. “We see each other like every other week. I get to see the kids sometimes only cause I'm their RA. You get to hang out though, don't you?”

Yukhei and Mark look at each other, “Sure,” Mark ends up responding, “I get to see Jaemin thanks to this one,” he bumps shoulders with Yukhei who gives him a weak smile, “The rest, not so much, actually.”

“Remember how we welcomed you last year. And the age gap was bigger as well. Do better, they’re good kids, I might be gone from the dorms next year like Yuta and Taeil and the two of you will be lost. Again.”

“Okay, mom, geez,” Mark groans, “Your investment in our social lives is touching. And we’re working on it.”

Yukhei’s lips spread into a knowing smile, “Oh are we, now? Have you finally made friends with Renjun or something?”

Mark clears his throat and bores his attention into the menu, “We met at the library last week,” he looks up to answer Johnny’s a Yukhei’s questioning gazes, “He seems chill,” Mark ends with a shrug, as if there was nothing more to it.

The thing is, there is nothing more to it, not tangibly anyway. Although in reality, ever since last week Mark couldn’t stop thinking about the little exchange in the secluded corner of the library he had with Renjun. Mark kept replaying what had been said, what he himself had said in particular. He was so absorbed in getting to the apology and making sure Renjun doesn’t remember or at least mind what happened at the playground, he ended up being a total jerk during the time he was hyping himself up for it, not even looking at him properly, almost ignoring him it might have seemed like. ‘Be friendly with the kids’ - so damn easy for Johnny to say when he isn’t supposed to befriend the cutest boy attending the university.

Renjun mentioned he would be coming to the game and throughout the hell week Mark almost forgot there is a game to begin with, but when he ran out onto the court and looked up to the tribune, his attention was snatched by Renjun right away. Sitting by Donghyuck in his big pale blue sweater, a snapback on his head so Mark didn’t really get to see his face, but - maybe totally naively - he hoped Renjun looked at him at least once.

The freshmen get to the barbeque joint soon after and the conversation flows easily, as if they didn’t just spend the last five weeks separated due to school and other obligations. They casually catch up with their midterm stories as they’re waiting for food. Yukhei talks about failed labs he had to retake at the last moment, Johnny despairs about his thesis, Jaemin mentions the upcoming exhibition he should have as his final project for the whole year in June and Renjun mentions the forgotten paper he was writing last week late on Thursday at the library.

Mark’s eyes shoot up to Renjun as he’s inhaling the forkful of noodles, “Did you get the deadline extension then?” from the corner of his eye he can see Jeno and Donghyuck exchanging glances, whatever those mean.

Renjun just scoffs as his lips quirk into a smile, “Didn’t need it after all. The assignment was approved, with a low score, but I'm gonna live.”

Donghyuck claps his hands in a fake applause, “All hail Renjun’s ability to power through shit he totally forgot about for five weeks. You deserve a prize, really.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I survived, didn’t I? So shut it,” Renjun responds with a hearty laugh and it catches Mark somewhat off guard. He’s seen and heard Renjun laugh before, sure, but he probably wasn’t paying enough close attention to him before. Before the party. Before he had to admit to himself he’d taken some sort of liking to him.

What brings Mark back to earth is Jeno’s gaze, who’s just seen him stare at Renjun for unnecessarily long time. Mark quickly bores his attention back onto his plate, pretending he can’t feel Jeno’s eyes on him still.

At the other end of the table Jaemin pours himself and Yukhei a refill of lemonade from a big jug in the middle of the table, their eyes meet - for the first time since the game where Jaemin was met with several wide grins thrown his way after Yukhei scored. Jaemin swallows on empty, “Yuqi says hi, by the way.”

“Oh yeah, I saw you two talk,” Yukhei trails off, as if waiting if Jaemin would contribute more to this topic, fearing it at the same time.

Mark’s face shows genuine surprise “Yuqi? How do you know his ex?”

Yukhei turns to Mark slowly, rolls his eyes, takes a deep inhale and thru his gritted teeth warns, “Mark Lee, please, for the love of anything, zip it.” then he directs his attention back to Jaemin, he says in a small voice, “You don't seem surprised,” it’s posed more like a question.

“Uh, she mentioned you were together, yeah.” Jaemin takes another bite of his food and averts his gaze from Yukhei.

🌱

Call him stupid, but Renjun was naively hoping for more interaction with Mark than a simple remark about his dumb paper. It felt like small talk between acquaintances, like Mark knew when to drop this courtesy piece of information so he doesn’t have to even look at Renjun anymore that evening. That’s what it seemed like to Renjun when he glanced at him later during dinner, Mark’s attention anywhere but at him.

In return, Renjun doesn’t pay any attention to him. He doesn’t need to carry the reminder with him - reminder that Mark simply doesn’t even acknowledge him.

And so, the end, Renjun doesn’t get to see Mark’s gaze when they’re all saying their goodbyes that evening; doesn’t notice Mark’s eyes boring into his back as Renjun is leaving with the other freshmen.

🌱

jaeminie:  
u played well today c:

yukhei:  
thx!  
listen. about yuqi. can we talk about her

jaeminie:  
what about her  
 

yukhei:  
idk what she told u but just, pls know im not like that anymore. im not a serial dater or whatever she mightve called me :( promise

jaeminie:  
omfg chill! she didnt say anything like that, but thanks for disclosing new info then ;)  
she just said u move on too fast with ur relationships, thats all, she was super nice about u actually c:

yukhei:  
asdfhjshhjhskdg  
righ t  
so  
we are okay then?

jaeminie:  
what even are we, yukhei? :D  
lmao jk jk. sure c:

yukhei:  
things are good, right? the way they are. this is nice. or?

jaeminie:  
yeah. sure it is! :o

yukhei:  
pinkie promise?

jaeminie:  
lmao

yukhei:  
:(

jaeminie:  
omg yes, pinkie fucking promise.  
u dork

yukhei:  
:)

Mark walks out of the shower toweling his hair when he stands still in the middle of the room, looking at Yukhei, “Damn. Are you okay?”

“The fuck? Why? I'm just sitting on my bed. What’s up?” Yukhei says from his reclined position on his bed, phone in hand.

“Uh. Nothing just. I haven't seen you text _and_ frown at the same time in weeks. Something’s up?”

Yukhei looks at his phone before putting it down and sighs, “It’s Jaemin.”

“Oh. Is he being weird about Yuqi?” Mark asks carefully, not sure how safe this conversation territory is. Yukhei always gets pissed when the whole topic of Jaemin gets brought up.

“No,” Yukhei exhales, still frowning, “No. He seems chill. Like he doesn’t even give a fuck.”

“And that bothers you.”

“And that bothers me, yeah. Like. I don't want him to be angry or upset or anything, obviously. But it’s like he’s totally dismissing it.”

“You want him to care, that’s fine. Yukhei,” Mark tries to get his attention, to get him to look up, “This might be good for you, just give it a shot. He’s obviously into you and just pretending he doesn’t mind or care.”

Yukhei sighs, exasperated, “Stop with the nonsense already. I'm not gonna just jump into a relationship again to have it turn out like the ones from freshman year.”

Mark frowns, “You’re comparing those? Look. From where I'm standing what you have with Jaemin is miles away from what you had forming with Yuqi or Jungwoo, or even Guanheng last year. You just jumped into those really quickly and kinda demanded a lot from all your flings - sorry but that’s what they seemed like, flings. With Jaemin you’re proper friends first.”

Yukhei muses at that for a moment, “It is different, yeah. or rather. I want it to be different. But maybe I’ll make a move and it will all go to shit with him, too. Maybe I just don’t know how to date someone without suffocating them,” he finishes with paraphrasing one of his previous boyfriends.

Mark feels a weird pang of pity and also envy at the same time. Yukhei and Jaemin just seem like they belong together whenever they enter the same space, it seems silly to Mark that Yukhei should be worried about ruining things by making a move for real. There’s no way Jaemin wouldn’t be happy about it, and yet Yukhei is self-conscious because of his past experience. It seems all unfair; on Yukhei and on Jaemin as well.

“Let him help you figure it out, then? This whole thing doesn’t have to be on you alone, right? Just talk to him?” Mark isn’t the biggest fan of seeing Yukhei being down like this. Especially when the thing he has with Jaemin is so fucking obvious to literally everyone. All they have to do is to get together and be happy, as far as Mark is concerned.

Yukhei rolls his eyes and sits up to lean onto his elbows against his knees, his features breaking into a grin, Mark quickly recognizes he’s about to change the topic and turn this somehow against him, “While we’re on the topic of talking, you wanna tell me something about Renjun?”

Mark’s surprise manifests in form of an awkward laughter, “Tell you what about him?”

Yukhei smiles easily and shrugs, “I don't know, you said you hung out at the library last week?” he suggests.

Mark scoffs, “We didn’t _hang out_. We met at the library by chance while working on our respective midterm bullshit and since were friends by extension - acquaintances is a better word here maybe, were friendly, because neither of us is a mannerless animal. That’s all.”

“Hm,” Yukhei frowns a little in concentration, “I always thought you two would match well, to be honest.”

“Excuse me?” Mark seems almost scandalized, lips parted in surprise.

Yukhei waves his hands in surrender, “No, no, not like that. although…,” he trails off pretending to give it some thought, wide smile on his face. He laughs lightly, “No. I mean, your personalities seem to match, that’s all. You’re both quiet, and somehow awkward? But - but in a cute way!” he adds when he sees Mark frowning. “I think you two would be a great pair, as friends. Or whatever more you’d decide. Look, man, it’s not like you have that much experience with dating anyway, someone calm like Renjun might suit you.”

Mark just shakes his head, “You’re impossible, really. First of all, I'm not cute. Second of all, leave my inexperience out of it, will you? And also, what the fuck, Renjun isn’t even gay.”

Yukhei scoffs, “And how would you know? Don't tell me you managed to touch up on such big topics while you were working on your quote-unquote respective midterms bullshit,” Yukhei adds the air quotes for emphasis.

“No, no, just… he doesn’t really look the part? I mean, he doesn’t give off that vibe, you know what I mean?” Mark is stumbling over his words a little - he never voiced this alternative in his head, never had to reason with himself why Renjun doesn’t seem like he would be into boys. He might have just assumed to not gain false hope. It’s making his head hurt a little.

“Uh, Mark?” Yukhei asks carefully, waits for Mark to look up at him. He gives Mark an obvious once-over, “You don't really look the part either.”

Mark’s gaze falls to his feet, his outfit, his whole appearance and lifestyle visualizing in his mind - to an uninterested party, everything about him probably hints at straight as well, “Oh,” is all Mark manages to choke out.

“Exactly,” Yukhei leans back against the wall, “I’m just saying. You keep pestering me about Jaemin. So imagine - hypothetically, that we would get to hang out more in the future, also with the whole group. Johnny is friendly with all of them. You’re cool with Jaemin, Hyuck and Jeno, I'm friendly with all as well. You and Renjun are clearly the only weak link.”

Mark just hums in response. It’s not like he hasn’t tried to do this same math before. Among the seven of them, only Renjun and him don't really have a bond. Mark can’t even remember if they’ve ever hung out only the two of them, coincidental library time not counting.

“You heard Johnny today. I think he’s right, you know. Remember how lost and inept we both were the first couple of weeks before Johnny asked us to hang out with the whole group? I mean I didn’t even know where the nearest grocery store was before Yuta showed me. I used to take the bus to like, the other side of town, like a fucking moron.”

“Oh yeah, we were clueless alright,” Mark laughs.

“Yeah. But. The point is, we kinda found a family in them, right? Taeil, Yuta, Johnny - they’re not just schoolmates, but real friends, right? Yuta and Taeil aren’t even in college anymore and we’re still over at theirs quite a bit. And I just think, maybe this handful of kids might be the same. Regardless of any dating or whatever the fuck. Just us, as people,” Mark tightens his lips into a straight line as he gives it some thought while Yukhei continues, “‘s why I'm saying you should give Renjun a chance. Make friends with him. It can’t be that hard. He’s a dork, just like you are, there’s bound to be middle ground.”

Mark sighs, “I know, I know. As Johnny said, they’re all good kids. Regardless of crushes or anything.”

“Oh, so you’re admitting to have a crush on Renjun?” Yukhei asks through a toothy smile.

Mark lets out a high-pitched awkward laughter, “I did not say that. I was actually referring to you and Jaemin. And shut up.”

“Markie, I'm just teasing.”

“I know. Still, shut up,” he adds sternly, “And as I told Johnny, we’re working on it, aren’t we?”

Yukhei reaches for his phone, a notification sound catching his attention, his fingers typing quickly again, “We sure are.”

🌱

They get back to the dorms and Renjun is ready to continue with his summer sleep cycle he was so rudely woken from this morning.

“Today was nice,” Jeno comments as they’re getting ready for sleep, “I’m glad you could come, too. It’s been ages since we all hung out together.”

“I know,” Renjun yawns, “I’ve been busy with school. Also, I hang out with you. And Jaemin sometimes. And on better days also with Hyuck when he’s not off the rails crazy and loud.”

“Yeah, we hang out. Here. ‘Cause we live together. And getting lunch with Jaemin and going to library with Donghyuck doesn’t fully count, and you know it,” Jeno watches Renjun from the corner of his eye while he shuffles the contents within his bedside table looking for his charger, “I’m just saying it was nice seeing you not just being holed up with your school stuff all the time.”

Renjun hums in agreement, “Yeah. It was nice. I'm glad I could go too, I think.”

“Does that mean you’re not gonna avoid all invitations from now on?” Jeno offers a blinding smile to catch Renjun’s attention.

Renjun just laughs weakly, “I dunno. It might be nice being with everyone more. I get to see Yukhei a lot around Jaemin, and also Johnny’s been with us often, anyway, so.”

“Right. So now you gotta just start seeing also more of Mark.”

Jeno’s comment sounds innocent enough but Renjun’s mind is back at the image from today - forced small talk over dinner; that's all he’s worth apparently. Renjun went to the dinner almost giddy. Spending time with his friends and the atmosphere at the game was contagious enough that his spirits felt uplifted and he was excited to meet up with the older boys, too. Especially when Mark’d asked him not to be awkward just a mere week earlier. Little did he know that ‘not awkward’ meant something other to Mark than to him. To him, it ultimately meant hope, he realizes.

“Hm, yeah, I don't even know him that well. Can’t imagine, like, trying to be friends all of a sudden,” he shrugs.

“You know him! You’ve been friendly with each other,” Jeno offers.

“I mean. Yeah. But we never even hung out one on one. Just the two of us. So I don't even know if - I'm not sure,” he trails off, unwilling to finish this childish remark.

“Not sure about what Renjun?” Jeno insists.

“If he sees me,” he adds, resigned. “I’m not even sure if he sees me.”

“The fuck does that mean? He’s got eyes, of course he sees you. Tell you what. You should just go for it and hang out with him properly,” Jeno muses, deep in thought, a eureka moment following he snaps his fingers with a bright expression, “Take Jaemin and Yukhei! It won’t be suspicious and you’ll def get your alone time with him when those two will be involved,” Jeno reaches over to his bedside table and pulls out one paper from a stack of books. “There’s this gaming convention two towns away in a few weeks. I won’t be here, gotta get back home for a bit then, but the four of you could go.”

Jeno gets up to hand Renjun the flier for the convention, “Oh and, Renjun? Trust me, he sees you.” he adds before retreating back to his bed.

🌱

The game convention flier burns in the side pocket of Renjun’s backpack for about half a day, he keeps thinking of Jeno’s words - making effort to make real friends with Mark. The goal itself sounded nice to Renjun, the thought itself made him feel warm on the inside in this weird, relatively new way; it was the execution he wasn’t sure about. How to go about just asking Mark to hang out? It’s not like they’ve ever exchanged more than polite small talk.

On one hand, Renjun tries to persuade himself to get over himself and just try to be friendly with him - the stupid way his skin feels too tight when he’s around Mark be damned. But on the other hand, he’s never been good at making new friends. The small group of friends he has managed to gather was pure chance - his roommate introducing him to his Newly Found bestie first day of classes back in September, and inevitably his arts major roommate. It all happened without his input in a way.

Now, this. This thing with Mark needs his input and action it seems. Renjun spends all Sunday and then all his Monday classes scheming how to get Mark to hang out with him, daydreaming about the possible outcomes and scenarios.

Some make Renjun shudder - Mark would laugh awkwardly and make some sort of excuse, not meet Renjun’s eyes once, “sorry, I’m busy.” Or: Mark makes fun of him obviously, not even trying to be kind about it, scoffs at the mere thought of spending time with Renjun, “yeah no thanks” and leaves Renjun to die of embarrassment on the spot.

Some are more optimistic - they agree they should hang out more to help the whole group, they exchange numbers to post an emoji each into the chatroom and never speak again. Or they agree they need to hang out and actually go through one really really awkward afternoon together and never speak of the attempt again.

No matter what angle Renjun looks at it from, he should give it a shot. It could be worth it. And the least painful scenario is to also involve Yukhei and Jaemin, as Jeno suggested. So Renjun decides to pitch the gaming convention to Mark first thing when he sees him next. That is - if he sees him. They'd normally get a glimpse of each other once or twice a week. Which is much longer than Renjun’s attention lingers on this task.

Renjun manages to bump into Jaemin on Wednesday morning on his way to school. He sees him and Yukhei from far away, without them noticing. There's a lot of people milling around, but they’re again in their little bubble - oblivious to anything that isn’t each other. Renjun again feels the soft pang of jealousy - how perfect it must be that they don't even need to care about other people around, as long as they’re together.

They're standing in front of the science building, Jaemin on the first step to the building, getting almost to Yukhei’s eye level. Yukhei is smiling wide and he’s saying something that makes Jaemin duck his head in embarrassment or amusement. Jaemin pulls at the strings of Yukhei’s hoodie, their bodies closer than necessary for a casual conversation. Yukhei tries to find Jaemin’s eyes, but Jaemin just pushes him away playfully as they both laugh at whatever that’s just been said. Jaemin gathers his things off the ground and they both linger for a moment longer before Yukhei hurries off into the building and Jaemin starts walking opposite direction of Renjun’s.

“Oh hi, Renjun!” Jaemin is glowing, Renjun notices.

“Hi. You came to see Yukhei off?” Renjun doesn’t lace his words with snark as Donghyuck or Jeno would. Renjun makes sure he doesn’t sound like he’s teasing him, because that is the last thing he’d want.

Jaemin just smiles as he looks over his shoulder to the spot where he’s been standing with Yukhei, “Ah, yeah. It was on the way. So,” he just shrugs with pretend-nonchalance, but his features betray the giddiness.

“Cool,” it takes a second before it clicks in Renjun’s head that he had something to ask Jaemin, “Oh! Listen. There is this gaming convention in a few weeks. Would you like to go?” Renjun fishes for the flier and shows it to Jaemin.

Jaemin adjusts his single shoulder bag and takes the paper, “Ah, that’s the week Jeno and Donghyuck go back home,” he muses, scanning the flier for any more info. He looks up back to Renjun with a smile, “Sure! Sounds like fun, I’ll check my calendar for assignments and shit, but I guess it should be okay if we go for one day only. I’ll let you know okay? Gotta run now,” handing the flier back to Renjun he offers one more smile and runs off.

The truth is, Jeno’s words the other night didn’t only make Renjun think of Mark, but about all his friends. He really has only been spending time with everyone out of convenience - getting lunch, study dates and such. He never went out of his way to offer his time and energy to any of them, and frankly, that feels crappy as well, the realization he’s probably a shit-class friend. So, getting to hang out with Jaemin in itself will be nice enough, should his plan to also pull along Yukhei and Mark fail.

🌱

Renjun is scrolling on his phone aimlessly as he walks down the hallways with some of his notes, other papers and one dog-eared textbook under his arm, empty coffee cup in hand.

Someone equally disinterested in safe walking manners bumps into him, all of Renjun’s papers and the paper cup falling to the ground. Renjun looks up and the someone turns out to be Mark.

“Oh, shit, sorry, are you okay?” looking at him, Mark squats down to help Renjun pick up the scattered papers.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Thanks,” he takes the papers from Mark, on the top with the flier he showed to Jaemin just this morning. Renjun is stunned for a little while, before he shoves the flier back to Mark in a moment of panic, “there-is-this-convention-and-I-want-to-go,” he blurts out way too quickly, making Mark taking a double take.

“Uh, sorry? Try slower, please,” Mark is smiling, but not in a bad, teasing way. It’s his small almost too soft, awkward smile that Renjun managed to memorize by heart since a few weeks ago.

Renjun takes a deep breath, showing the flier to Mark again so he takes it in his hands. “There is this convention I wanna go to, and…. yeah so, I thought we could go. There’s bound to be some cool stuff and if we go around noon there won’t be too many people either. I want Jaemin to go. And perhaps you could take Yukhei.”

Mark smirks looking at the flier, then his eyes shoot up to Renjun, “Oh, I like the way you think.”

“Huh?”

“They don't have their heads on right or something. We can nudge them towards each other a little.”

“Ah yeah. That’s what I meant as well, sure.”

Renjun’s soulless reaction was surely not convincing enough, because Mark then proceeds to ask, “It’s not just me, right? I'm not the only one who sees it. They’re totally into each other, right?”

Renjun huffs out a laugh, “Oh yeah, definitely. I think they don't need much nudging together, though. They seem happy, don't they? I mean, whenever I get to see them together, there is just something there…,” Renjun trails off, gaze falling to the ground.

“Something that seems just theirs, right? In a twisted sorta way it makes me a bit jealous,” Mark says in a soft voice, he laughs quietly and shakes his head, eyes falling back to the flier, away from Renjun’s face, “Yeah, okay, no nudging together, I agree,” Mark hands him back the paper, “Yeah, sure, count me in. Are you gonna ask also Jaemin and Yukhei then?”

“Asked Jaemin just today actually. Maybe you could get the message to Yukhei?” Renjun suggests.

“Deal,” Mark smiles at him, nice and genuine, unlike the exchange back at the library, or the dinner after the game, and suddenly breathing comes much easier to Renjun.

They exchange numbers and make a deal to let the other know when Yukhei and Jaemin confirm they’re going as well. There was no word of if the plans should change in case Jaemin or Yukhei can’t make it, but Renjun, despite probably knowing better, hopes the plan could still be potentially on even without their other friends.

Mark and Renjun walk together in the same direction to get to their next classes and Renjun finds himself not hating it, not feeling awkward with him at all. The conversation is light. Renjun learns Mark is taking some advanced classes, and at first Renjun is impressed, but a few seconds later Mark reveals he signed up to these classes by accident at the beginning of the semester and just couldn’t be bothered to have it changed back, or rather he procrastinated for so long it was simply easier to let it happen and just go with it. In exchange, Renjun mentions the possibility of failing one subject despite his best efforts - feels embarrassed, because surely failing a class in freshman year is weak. It must seem so especially to someone who (even though accidentally) is taking advanced classes and isn’t failing any of them, so to mask up the embarrassment he tells Mark a little about his newly formed plan to be a better person towards his friends - in regard to what Jeno said the other night. Renjun doesn’t mention the main point of the conversation was Mark himself.

“Oh, that’s cool, though! I'm pretty sure I also do a bad job at being sociable or whatever,” Mark hums, “So I really can use this gaming thing you wanna go to as a proof I'm trying as well. Will get Yukhei and Johnny off my case for a little bit. This is actually mutually beneficial, I like this!” it looks like Mark almost wants to playfully shove Renjun’s upper arm but changes his mind in the last moment and just lets his hand drop awkwardly back to his side.

So, some things just seem to remain awkward with Mark. But in a way, this isn’t the bad type of awkward, the type that would make Renjun’s skin crawl. This feels much more like Mark being somewhat careful around him; careful about what, Renjun is not completely sure.

🌱

Renjun:  
jaemin says he can make it! (didnt tell him about yukhei going yet though, so report back when confirmed :D)

The first text message from Renjun pings on Mark’s phone around nine that evening. Mark smiles to himself and sends back a simple thumbs up emoji.

Mark figures the morning accident in the hallways came as a blessing to him. It hasn’t been that long since Johnny and Yukhei grilled him again about not being friendly enough to the kids. Now, this will show them! Mark is positively satisfied with this development and at the same time he’s doing his best to not think of the fact that Renjun will be one of the kids he’ll be spending that day with.

Not that there was anything wrong with spending time with Renjun, Mark just still hasn’t managed to shake off the feeling he’s had since the first party at the beginning of the semester; the stupid flutters in his tummy when he’s around Renjun, some stupid pride thing making him want to make a good impression on him.

Mark tries to see it all as an advantage; the gaming convention will be a chance for him to prove he’s not an unfriendly asshole to the freshmen and also to get over his dumb almost-crush on Renjun. Should his calculations be correct, the more time he spends with Renjun, the easier it will become.

Considering Mark is a math major, his calculations are pretty shit.

🌱

For Renjun, originally, the gaming convention was a somewhat of a ruse to get to hang out with Mark, preferably with other people as well, as there was a possibility it might be awkward. However, over the course of the next week and a half Renjun gets to see more of Mark than during the first five weeks of the semester altogether. It might be pure chance, or just the recent change in Renjun’s schedule, but suddenly their lunch slots align, and Mark becomes one of the people Renjun spends time with out of convenience.

They get lunch together sometimes, together with Yukhei or also without him. They get coffee together before going to the library to work on their assignments each. Sometimes Mark gets to walk Renjun to his dorm before he has to go to basketball practice.

In this short time, they also learn a lot about each other. Sometimes it’s small things; Mark only owns black socks, so he never has to care about wearing a mismatching pair, or from observation Renjun learns about his usual coffee order, lot of cream and no sugar. On the other hand, Mark gets to find out about Renjun’s favorite ice cream flavors and about how passionate he is about the science behind it - Renjun tells Mark it’s important to know how to mix the flavors. There’s a big difference in asking for ‘lemon and peanut butter’ and ‘peanut butter and lemon’. They get to test this theory in praxis as well and Mark, although just really really humored, has to admit there is a difference in whether he gets to eat the fresh flavor or the dense sweeter flavor off the cone first.

🌱

And sometimes it’s bigger stuff.

They’re having lunch at the cafeteria, before they’ll have to rush to their afternoon classes. Just a few tables away is a couple, boy and a girl, kind of heavily making out, considering it’s day time and a public place, at least.

Renjun winces upon seeing them, it’s strangely cringe-worthy. Mark notices his gaze and looks over his shoulder to assess whatever made Renjun make that sour expression. “Ugh, nothing against PDA, but… isn’t that a bit too much?”

Renjun looks back to him, “Can’t even imagine what makes them do this to be honest. Is this what being in love is like? Or are they just horny? Uh, I can never tell with straight people,” seemingly without realizing what he’s just implied Renjun gets back to his soup.

Mark looks at him for a tiny while longer, before he musters up the courage and says “Yeah, I can imagine it now, being like this with someone, though I’d definitely not go for it. Being the only gay kid in class in high school and all, it just teaches you to be a tiny bit closed off in this regard I guess,” he trails off, expectant of the reaction, aware of what’s just been said in context.

Renjun looks up at him, eyes huge, some noodles dangling from his lips. He slurps them up and swallows without chewing. “Oh. yeah. I mean. Same for me, only gay kid in class back home,” Renjun looks like he wants to say more but instead just stuffs his face with more food for the time being, attention back at his meal. After Mark’s patient silence, Renjun speaks up again, “Not that I knew that much about how things could be here in college. I never even dated anyone, so,” Renjun shrugs.

Mark smiles into his plate, something about Renjun admitting that without any embarrassment is refreshing. All his friends have had very different experience from his; Yukhei dated a lot in freshman year, Johnny as well, during his wilder years in freshman and sophomore years apparently, Yuta and Taeil have always been together, Mark can’t count those two. Renjun being so casual about it makes Mark feel more at ease for some reason. In a simple conversational tone he adds, “I’m not that knowledgeable either.”

Renjun seems to not even processing the last bit, but that doesn’t faze Mark much. He’s learned already that Renjun listens much closer and remembers much better than he lets on; often seems disinterested, or a bit too casual in conversation, but he always picks up on everything.

Mark lets out a small giggle seemingly out of the blue.

Renjun looks at him, “What is it?”

Mark shakes his head, “Nothing, just. I think it was that very table where those two are being a bit nasty that Yukhei and I came out to each other second day after we became roommates last year. Just like this,” he motions between them, “over a lunch. It was much more nerve-wrecking though. He’s like, this almost a jock we could say, right, and I had to room with him. I think I lucked out, like to think it was fate that the system matched another gay kid with me.”

Renjun smiles to himself a little, teasingly he asks, “Oh, so this was easy then? No sweat just casually coming out to me, right?”

Mark flusters for a second and laughs awkwardly, “I didn’t say that. With you it just isn’t scary, that’s all.”

Renjun’s smile softens, “I’ll take that.”

🌱

Donghyuck is the devil himself, Renjun decides.

One seemingly harmless morning Renjun is getting breakfast with Donghyuck and Jeno at a nearby cafe where he bumps into Mark at the counter as he’s picking up his order. Donghyuck and Jeno are sitting down with their pastries and coffee already at a small table by the window. When he spots Mark, Renjun looks back to make sure they’re not watching - he doesn’t dwell on why he would be feeling self-conscious right now.

“Heeyyyy,” Mark greets him, half awkward, half asleep, Renjun can’t tell. “What brings you here so late?” Mark asks stifling a yawn. When Renjun looks at him better, it does look like Mark is wearing just his sleeping shirt and sweats - typical college student fashion for a Saturday morning, indeed.

“It’s ten in the morning,” Renjun comments, a bit confused, “And I’m going to see Jeno and Donghyuck off to the train station before they both leave home. What are you doing here then? Getting coffee on a Saturday? So early?” he lets his words crawl with sarcasm purposefully, trusting Mark’s ability to take a joke at his expense.

Mark huffs out a laugh, “Don’t be an ass, okay? I didn’t sleep yet. I was pulling an all-nighter, I don't deserve this mockery,” he fake-grunts before taking a sip from his coffee.

Renjun winces at the drink in Mark's hand, "Maybe slow down with the coffee then. It’s Saturday. You could be sleeping right now instead, right?"

Mark half smirks before he tries to stifle another yawn, which just looks comical, "Then I wouldn’t have gotten to talk to you now, would I?"

Before Renjun can respond to that, Donghyuck’s voice carries over from their table, “Renjuniee~!”

Renjun freezes for a second and sees Mark look in their direction, sending them a small smile, “I don't wanna keep you…,” he trails off, motioning to Donghyuck and Jeno.

Renjun panics and says, “You could join us! That is, if you have nothing better to do right now.”

Mark shrugs, “Don't see why not, let’s go”

They get to the table and Renjun notices Jeno looking Mark over from head to toe, as if looking for a clue - a clue on what, Renjun has no idea. Donghyuck is smirking in Renjun’s direction, “Ditching us for Mark again, aren’t you, Renjun?”

Renjun gives him a stern look, “Shut the. Fuck. Up.” They’re both very well aware of that one time Renjun made an excuse that he couldn’t make their study date at the cafe and instead went to the library with Mark. To his defense, his main reason was that he needed the library copy machines. Of course, Donghyuck sees that issue differently.

“What is this about? How again?” Mark asks with a smile as he’s sitting down across from Donghyuck and Jeno, obviously humored by the freshmen’ dynamics.

Donghyuck offers a fake smile, “Nothing, just shutting the fuck up now, as Renjunie requested.”

Renjun takes a place next to Mark, to Donghyuck he addresses an almost whispered “Fucking thank you.”

Jeno leans over, finishing one of the pastries on his tray, “But it is rather curious how much time you two have started spending together,” there is that seemingly innocent smile on his face and his tone is clearly teasing.

Renjun can’t help but roll his eyes a little, he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest, he isn’t about to let Jeno’s remarks embarrass him now, “This is ridiculous. First you grill me for never going out and now suddenly it’s a crime?”

“Not a crime. Just saying. You always only hung out with us,” Jeno points to himself and Donghyuck, “out of laziness, because it was easy to meet up. This is new, ‘s all.”

Donghyuck smirks as he nudges Jeno in the side, “You know how it is. When the heart really wants it, it becomes the easiest thing in the world.”

Renjun almost chokes on his coffee, a small coughing fit later, and he sends Donghyuck and Jeno a glare together with a middle finger, “Shut up already, gods, as if your stupid teasing was even entertaining at all.”

Mark tries to hide a smile into his cup, “I’m having fun,” he says with a shrug and Renjun scowls at him.

Renjun scoffs, “Your sleep-deprived ass isn’t a relevant measurement system right now. Also, what the fuck, aren’t you supposed to be on my side on this?”

Mark’s eyebrows rise a little, a hint of a challenge in his tone, “Am I?”

And at the same time Donghyuck asks with that shit-eating grin, “Oh, is he?”

“You’re all the worst, I can’t even recall why I’m friends with any of you,” his features show the slightest hint of a smile before he takes the cup to his lips.

After they finish their coffee and all the pastries they’ve bought (Renjun splits his walnut croissant with Mark), they all head to the train station. Mark decides to follow, because as he’s reasoned, he’s got nothing better to do anyway.

It’s a short bus ride to the station, Renjun spends the time on the bus facing the sun head-on, chin resting against his palm; Jeno sometimes calls him a cat teasingly.

Before Donghyuck and Jeno leave to their platform, a quick round of goodbye hugs is in order. Jeno pulls away from Mark, smirking a little, “And Yukhei says you’re not a hugger…”

Obviously teased, Mark just gives a dramatic reaction to humor them, “Ah, when will you guys let it go already?”

“This sorta shit stays with you, I’m afraid,” Donghyuck says, without obviously feeling any remorse for Mark at all.

Jeno and Donghyuck hurry off, leaving Renjun and Mark at the bottom of the stairs to get back to the dorms the way they got here.

“You really aren’t a hugger, though,” Renjun mentions matter-of-factly, not even sparing a look in Mark’s direction.

Mark slaps Renjun on the shoulder playfully, “Hey, will you stop that? I apologized for…. back then, didn’t I?” he’s laughing as he says it, but Renjun can hear the nervousness in his tone.

Renjun puts up his hands in defiance, “I know, I know, I'm not making fun of you here. I'm just saying. Yukhei was probably right about you, wasn’t he?”

Mark hums and for a bit that seems like the only response Renjun will be getting. “I’m just not good at that, casual touch and all. But as long as others initiate it, it’s okay,” he shrugs.

“I get that, I might be just the same actually. The only times I'm initiating any touching is when Donghyuck needs his ass kicked.” They both laugh and Mark’s nervosity disappears from his face, air around them again a bit lighter. The weather outside of the station is very nice and Renjun actually stands willingly in the sun when they get to their bus platform.

Just as it seems that Mark is about to say something, he sneezes twice in a row, a visible shudder running over his body.

“Oh, are you cold? You only ran out in a t-shirt. I wondered if you really run so hot or what.”

Mark whines, “I just forgot, didn’t think I’d be out this long,” another sneeze follows.

Renjun feels apologetic - after all he was the one who invited Mark along, “Here, wear this at least for the ride home,” Renjun takes off his big blue hoodie over his head a little clumsily and holds it out for Mark to take. Checking the schedule table above the stop Renjun assures, “The bus will be here any minute.”

Mark stares at him for a moment before he takes the hoodie, just holding it. Looking down at it, he plays with the white hood strings, before he asks, “But won’t you be cold then?”

Renjun lifts up his button-down shirt to reveal another layer, “I’m all set, no worries. I only wear that because it has convenient pockets,” he says motioning to the mass of dark blue fabric in Mark’s hands, “Also it’s really nice today, I won’t get cold. Put it on. It’s absolutely huge on me, so it’ll fit you no problem.”

Renjun realizes too late the hoodie fits Mark Yes Problem. The second his dark hair appears in the hood, his face following, Renjun has to stop himself from staring; having Mark wear his clothes just helps Renjun's pulse pick up and his face heat up. He miscalculated tremendously when he thought it would be a simple gesture towards a friend. Renjun is wearing three layers and Mark is wearing one, it seemed like a pretty straight forward math, but boy, did Renjun fuck up this simple arithmetic?

Mark adjusts the hem of the sleeves a little, “Wow, it really is huge! Look, it makes me have sweater paws as well!” he exclaims excitedly, flailing around with the sleeves, catching Renjun’s attention.

Renjun would very much prefer directing his attention anywhere else besides a Mark with sweater paws formed by _his_ hoodie. But excited Mark is cute and Renjun is weak, so he offers him a smile, “It is quite huge, yeah. It’s comfy though,” he shrugs.

It looks like Mark is assessing the hoodie’s comfort levels when their bus pulls up to the bus stop. They find a place at the back, Renjun again just stares out of the window, watching the surroundings and people outside change as they are entering the campus town. As they’re nearing their stop, Renjun turns to Mark to alert him and finds him sleeping, face smushed into the fabric of the hood against the headrest, his nose just millimeters from Renjun’s shoulder.

Renjun shakes him by the shoulder gently, “Mark. Mark, wake up, our stop is coming up next.”

Mark wakes immediately, eyes catching on Renjun’s face, “Oh. Right.”

As they’re getting of the bus, Mark’s walking seems a bit woozy, like it is a real task for him. He stops in his step and holds on to a light post just a few meters away from the bus stop. “I don't feel so well, maybe.”

Renjun gets to his side right away, all stupid flutters of his heart upon seeing Mark wearing his clothes or whatever aside, he reaches to Mark’s forehead without hesitation, touches his cheek as well. Frowning he says, “Come on, I think you’re getting a fever. I’ll get you to your dorm at least.”

Renjun hooks their elbows together, to give Mark at least some support as they’re walking to the dorms.

Renjun’s never been to Mark’s dorm, let alone his and Yukhei’s room, but as they walk in, Renjun has no problem picking which side of the room belongs to Mark, three various snapbacks hanging above the bed, dark bed sheets with small leaf pattern in white, his desk a bit messier than Yukhei’s.

Renjun helps Mark to his bed, Mark just rolls over to his side, managing to toe off only one shoe, “Thanks, man, now leave me to die. Or sleep for 48 hours. Either will be great.”

Disregarding Mark’s comment, Renjun gets to his feet, “Do you have some meds around here or should I go get something for you?”

Mark grunts in response, “Don't have shit, don't need anything either.”

“That wasn’t among the options. If you have nothing, I'm going to the store.”

He turns to leave when the dorm room door opens, revealing a surprised Yukhei, “Oh, Renjun. Hey.” His gaze jumps from an exhausted Mark to Renjun and back, “Ah, so Mark was with you? Figures, only your company could persuade him to not sleep today away.”

Renjun is about to say something when Mark beats him to it, face half hidden in the pillow, he croaks out, “Yukhei, tell Renjunie I don't need any medicine please. He’s under the impression he’s in command here.”

Yukhei frowns, “Is he okay?”

“Must have gotten a cold, he was fine an hour ago, but he was also wearing just a t-shirt. Plus, the not having slept thing, so. Yeah, probably a cold, I'm just running to the store to get him something-”

Yukhei is shuffling through his desk drawer, looking for an usb drive when he interrupts him, “I’ll go, you stay here, I need to go to the library to print out some shit anyway. Won’t be long!” Yukhei promises and right before he leaves, adds, “And, Mark? Listen to Renjun.”

After a few minutes of dozing off, Mark sits up, trying to battle with the sweater, as if in half asleep state still. Renjun reaches for the bottom hem of the hoodie for him, “Let me help you. It’s not small on you, but I don't want you to stretch it more than necessary.”

They get the sweater off Mark easily, “Sorry,” Mark mumbles as his face hits the pillow again.

“Dummy,” Renjun exhales, “You should have said you were cold. Or ideally, you shouldn't have gotten a coffee after an all-nighter and should have just slept,” Renjun doesn’t mean to sound like he’s mad, but it comes off somewhat strict. He doesn’t really have a right to be mad, after all. He sighs, “I’m sorry. It was my idea you’d come with us.”

Mark looks up at him, eyes small with exhaustion, probably running a fever now, “It’s okay,” he smiles weakly, “because I like spending time with you, Renjunie.”

Renjun returns the smile and looks to the ground, “Me, too.”

When he looks up at Mark, he’s sleeping again.

🌱

Apparently Yukhei got all the over-the-counter cold medicine available on the market, and Mark was back to full strength and health the following day, even made it to the basketball practice, as he proudly informed Renjun over text.

Two days later Renjun and Jaemin are getting an early dinner when Renjun receives Mark’s text confirming Yukhei can go to the convention with them.

“By the way,” he looks up at Jaemin, “Yukhei and Mark will come to the convention with us. Is that okay?”

Jaemin looks a bit surprised, eventually smiles, but it seems like the happy smile is just trying to catch up with his honest features, “Sure, that’ll be fun.”

Unconvinced, Renjun asks as a follow-up, “Yeah? I figured you'd like if Yukhei went, too,” he trails off, waiting for a reaction to that. Jaemin was never one to tease Renjun about Mark, like Jeno and Donghyuck would all the time, maybe also partially because he gets it, in his own way. So Renjun hopes his questions don’t sound teasing either.

Jaemin pouts as he plays around with the food on his plate. “Yeah. It’ll be nice. I guess you know much I like spending time with him,” he looks up at Renjun quickly before again dropping his gaze to his plate, dropping his voice to almost a whisper, “How much I like him.”

No one has ever questioned Jaemin about his relationship with Yukhei, about his intentions, not that Renjun would know of, at least. So it comes as a bit of a surprise he’s confessing to it, in between the lines, but still. “I mean,” Renjun starts, “You’ve never really tried to hide it, right?”

The pout on Jaemin’s lips is very unlike him, “Yeah, maybe I should start, though.”

Renjun freezes up, “What do you mean? Why? Did something happen?” he doesn’t mean to pry, but this sort of talk is really uncharacteristic for Jaemin, so of course he gets worried.

Jaemin quirks his bottom lip in thought before he looks up at Renjun, he smiles weakly, the smile not reaching his eyes, “No, it’s stupid. I just… I might like him more than I thought. I’ve had this crazy idea of telling him, too,” Jaemin looks a bit down with a light scoff, not at all sad, as Renjun would expect. It’s as if he’s thought of this so much it became not as interesting to him, “I have a bad habit of falling for straight boys who turn out to not be so straight in the end but like to live that straight life. It’s always been a problem. All my previous… relationships, if we can call them that, were like that. I find a boy who agrees to like me, promises it’s for real, wants to kiss, make out, all that stuff. But that’s all. I become a secret. There’s nothing more, no… texting, no flirting, no mutual friends to spend time with.”

Renjun is aware of the pause in Jaemin’s speech but isn't really sure how to fill it. He opts out for a soft nod and, “Dude, that truly sucks.” Suddenly Renjun doesn’t really regret not having dated in high school.

“Yeah, but with Yukhei it’s the opposite. We get to hang out, we talk about mundane things, we get to share meals, we have mutual friends, he’s not embarrassed of me... I get to live this other half of my stupid gay dream in a way, finally. I don’t wanna fuck it up by telling him that I like boys. That I like him. In case he’s just indulging me without realizing. It’s selfish of me and I know that. But I just can’t face the reality of liking a straight boy again, I think.”

Renjun gets startled a little, “Wait, you think Yukhei is straight? That’s not… Jaemin, I think you should tell him,” it’s not his place to tell Jaemin the truth about Yukhei, that deserves its own discussion with Yukhei himself, so Renjun just comments, “He’ll take it well, I guarantee you that. All his friends are gay anyway.”

“Oh, are they?” Jaemin smirks a little, the sad tone gone from his voice.

“Shut up,” Renjun laughs softly, not having realized what that sentence implied, “And you don’t have it from me. But I bet with Yukhei, being as casual over everything as he is, even a text of ‘Hi Yukhei I’m gay btw’ would suffice.”

“Maybe,” Jaemin hums, “No worries, though, I’ll deal with” he gestures somewhat uncertainly at himself, “all this until Sunday.” He then continues eating, as if none of what he said just a few moments ago was supposed to be heard or remembered. After a while he looks up at Renjun again with a gleeful expression, “So, about Yukhei’s friends being allegedly gay,” he leaves the sentence open purposefully, a knowing smile on his lips.

Renjun flusters for a second before admitting, “Mark and I came out to each other the other day,” Renjun has just learned about Jaemin’s experience, he finds it just fair to disclose something as well.

Jaemin’s face shows no real surprise, he just smiles to himself and comments, "That’s nice," he looks up at Renjun again, studying him a little. "You guys seem to have gotten closer recently. Before, I barely saw you, you were always off studying somewhere or whatever it is you science majors do. And now all I hear about from Jeno is that you and Mark are best buddies." Jaemin doesn’t sound teasing at all, so it’s easy for Renjun to respond honestly.

"I don’t know, actually. Just, since around midterms we've been bumping into each other?" Renjun shrugs, "It’s nice, I suppose." After a moment of pondering about how his friendship with Mark has progressed, Renjun sighs.

"What is it?" Jaemin asks.

"I just don’t know how you do it. I don’t get it."

"Do what?" a frown appears on Jaemin's face, confusion spelled around his eyes.

"I don't know, this whole thing with Mark. We don’t have that… comfortable aura you and Yukhei have. And I know maybe I shouldn’t compare it to you and Yukhei, obviously."

Jaemin interrupts him, "Oh, I think you absolutely can."

Renjun stumbles over his words and thoughts for a second, taken aback by how casual that comment’s sounded, "Anyway. It’s not as easy as for you and Yukhei, you know? You both seem to really know what to expect and... and what to do, I guess.”

Jaemin smiles, nice and warm, something that always puts Renjun at ease, “It’s not as straightforward as you imagine, I guess. I just go along with what feels okay. Sometimes it’s just texting for days, sometimes I get brave, sometimes he does. We just let things happen. I think life with Yukhei needs to be lived day by day after all, you know what I mean?”

Renjun thinks Yukhei and Jaemin seem obvious and like they really got their shit together, compared to him at least, "You just seem so," Renjun looks for the right word, "So comfortable with each other. That’s all."

“We got a lot of practice," he says it in a conversational tone, but something in his voice seems suggestive. Jaemin breaks into laughter right away as he sees Renjun freezing startled for a second, "I’m just kidding, I’m just kidding. Anyway, just show him some of that bravery, let a good thing happen to you every once in a while.”

Jaemin's words ring so kind in his ears, Renjun just smiles and agrees easily, "I will if you will, as well. You also deserve this good thing happening, Jaemin."

Jaemin smiles at him, "Deal."

🌱

Mark is walking back to dorm after practice one evening when he notices the commotion from one block away, just by the library, ambulances and police cars lighting up the streets in blue and red flashes. Curious, Mark’s attention gets snatched first by the policemen talking to people around, and then behind them, by the stairs right to the library he sees Renjun, ass planted on the ground, gaze lost as if he was staring somewhere beyond campus, not focused on anyone around. Mark jogs up to him with panic bubbling up in his chest.

“Renjun?” he tries softly as he’s squatting down in front of him.

The boy doesn’t look up.

“Renjun, are you okay?” Mark is scared out of his mind, Renjun seems to be in an actual shock from whatever went down around here, he isn’t injured, not as far as Mark can see, at least. Mark stands up to finally look around properly; medics are tending to some people at the ambulances, policemen talk to others, taking notes and whatnot. No one is tending to Renjun.

“Excuse me!” Mark calls out to a policewoman nearby, “What is going on here?”

“Armed mugging, unsuccessful though, we got him,” she motions to Renjun, “Do you know him?”

“Yeah. Is he okay?” he speaks in a small voice, scared of all the possible answers to that question.

“Yes. He was just nearby when it happened, we already talked to him. Do you know where he lives? He seems to be in shock.”

“Yeah, sure. Can he go then?” Mark is already squatting back down to Renjun when the policewoman nods and walks off.

“Do you need to go to the nurse’s office? Should I text anyone? Jeno to come pick you up? Anyone?” Mark tries to not sound overbearing, but just the fact he hasn’t heard Renjun speak yet is scaring him enough to make him give in to the panic a little.

“He’s gone back home for the week, remember?” Renjun offers a weak smile, gaze still unfocused, bored into the ground. “I’m fine.”

He clearly isn’t. And Mark’s chest hurts at the realization that Renjun feels like he needs to hide it.

“Okay, well, let me help you up,” Mark pulls him up to his feet and continues to use the small soft voice, being ever so careful, about what specifically, he’s not sure, “Renjun, are you okay? Do you need anyone?”

Renjun looks up at him finally, gaze still empty though, “You? Please don’t go now?” In an instant Renjun lets go of Mark’s hand like he’s been burnt, “No. Sorry, I’m fine. You can go. I don’t wanna bother you.”

Mark frowns, “Not leaving you alone now, don’t be silly. Maybe we can ask Johnny for help?”

“No, I’m fine, really,” he shakes his head, “Just want to sleep.”

Mark just nods and leads the way to the freshman dorm, lets Renjun press the correct button in the elevator to get to Renjun’s hallway. Mark leads the way by holding him by the elbow, his other hand on Renjun’s lower back. “Which one are you?” he asks in an almost whisper.

Renjun leads him to his dorm room, “Here.” He doesn’t make any move that would indicate he wants Mark to let go off his elbow. So Mark doesn’t.

“Jeno isn’t back yet, then?”

“Uh no. I’m on my own it seems,” Renjun offers the weakest smile Mark has ever seen.

“Renjun?” Mark searches for his eyes, his palm slides down to Renjun’s wrist, touching his skin there. “Are you sure you will be okay, or do you want me to-”

“Mark,” he interrupts, “Will you… will you stay?” Mark was just about to suggest the same, but for some reason he’s left stunned into silence for a second which Renjun misinterprets, “No, that was stupid. I’m just being silly. You should go. I’m fine.”

“No, I’ll stay. Unless you really really want me to go, I’m staying,” Mark searches to meet Renjun’s gaze again, “Renjun, will it be okay if I stay with you tonight?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

🌱

They sit side by side on Renjun’s bed, Mark fidgets with his fingers, shooting nervous worried glances at Renjun. Renjun just sits there staring into nothing again. He finally speaks up in a small voice, like he is scared someone might actually hear, “I was close. Just by the car where it happened. I heard something, like… like a slap and then this crack - like popping a joint but, much worse somehow?” Renjun’s speech starts picking up pace, it sounds like he’s not even breathing between his words anymore, “I don’t know, I didn’t hear properly. I can’t recall it well, I’m not sure, I don’t remember-”

“Renjun, it’s fine, it’s okay, I promise. You don’t have to remember it. Just let it go”

Closing his eyes, Renjun lets out a shuddering breath.

Their attention drops at once to Renjun’s phone between them when it starts popping up with messages, notifs showing the texts.

hyuckhyuck:  
jaemin, renjun, answer this fucking groupchat right the fuck now. where are u? 

jeno:  
?? what goes on dude 

hyuckhyuck:  
there was a shooting or smth on campus? just checking sns all over. twitter says near library and thats right by us?? Idk if anything happened to anyone but there are pics of police cars and shit 

jeno:  
fck? 

jaemin:  
oh?? im in the studio, probably will be spending the night, i didnt hear of anything yet? :o 

hyuckhyuck:  
@renjun dude i know u hate this gc but for once get over urself and answer pls 

hyuckhyuck:  
actually u know what im literally gonna call u right the fuck now, and ure gonna tell me with ur own voice ure ok

Renjun’s breath catches like he has trouble breathing when he sees the last message. Mark grabs for the phone, “Should I answer them?”

Renjun lets out a breath, still shaky, and nods, averting his gaze to the carpet.

renjun:  
hi guys, this is mark. renjun was nearby but is okay, just shaken. i’ll stay with him, don't worry. 

🌱

After they get ready for bed, Renjun spends some time just staring at the ceiling in the dark, before he manages to hype himself up for asking for yet another favor, “Mark?” he says into the darkness. “Could we move to the ground?” it sounds stupid to him as he is saying it already, but he doesn’t take it back. Sometimes asking for what he wants is bravery, sometimes it’s just fear and selfishness. This time it’s the latter.

“Come on then,” comes Mark’s voice, soft and slow, already moving from Jeno’s bed with the blanket and pillows. Mark doesn’t question why Renjun wants to sleep on the hard floor when there are two perfectly normal beds in the room. Without further discussion they lie next to each other, their pillows touching. Renjun is curled up into a ball just mere centimeters away from Mark, facing him.

“Can’t sleep?” Mark asks into the air between them, in that careful tone of his.

“Yeah, something like that.” Renjun doesn’t necessarily want to admit to being scared out of his mind still. This is easier.

“Same here. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight.”

Renjun lifts up on his elbows “Is it the bed? We don’t have to-”

“No, no. This is okay. Lie down, come on.” Mark touches Renjun’s wrist with just his fingertips and lets out a small laugh. The touch burns Renjun’s skin, regardless of how miniscule it is. Renjun doesn’t pull his wrist from under Mark’s hand and Mark doesn’t move away either. “Renjun?”

Renjun lifts his head on the pillow to look in Mark’s direction.

“You can always text me, okay? When something… something like tonight happens, or even smaller things, it doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t be alone, really.”

Renjun’s lips curl into a small smile, “You found me though”, he feels like the smile must be audible in his words.

Mark huffs out a weak laugh, “Yeah,” he trails off for a bit, “Remember the party? Back in early March.”

“You asked me this already, remember?”

“Right. Yeah. So. I promised to take care of you then.”

“You didn’t actually,” Renjun is smiling despite himself, first proper smile since few hours ago. Like the memory of that night is a happy bubble where he can hide from tonight’s horrors, “You promised that to others, but not me. You just said I smelled like oranges.”

“Oh, yeah?” Mark giggles and takes a deep, exaggerated inhale leaning into Renjun’s space a little, “That’s also still true. But I meant it, or rather, I mean it now. Let me take care of you, Renjun.”

Renjun doesn’t really take the words in, his attention is still on his own wrist, covered by Mark’s fingers. He whines as he nuzzles deeper into his pillow “I’m sleepy, Mark.”

“Okay, Renjunie, sleep then, I’ll see you in the morning.”

🌱

The following morning is spent mostly in comfortable silence. Mark is already scrolling on his phone next to him when Renjun wakes up. Renjun spends the first few seconds after he opens his eyes just looking at him, memorizing his side profile from up close, the slight pout on his lips and the crease between his brows.

Renjun breaks into a fit of giggles when Mark lets his phone drop on his face and lets out a pained but soft, “Fuck.”

“Oh, hey, you’re awake. How did you sleep?” Mark asks rolling onto his side to face Renjun again, just how they laid last night before falling asleep. The only difference is, it’s not dark now, and Mark isn’t touching Renjun’s hand; maybe those two are related, but Renjun doesn’t want to think about it right now.

“Could be worse, you?” Renjun mewls into the pillow with a smile curling up his lips.

Renjun is acutely aware of Mark studying his face, “Also can’t complain.”

They agree to get breakfast together, to meet in front of Renjun’s dorm in twenty so Mark has time to run to his room and change clothes. Renjun doesn’t know whether Mark had any other plans for today or not but is too afraid to ask in case he’s keeping him from some other obligations. In a way, he’s worried he has become an obligation himself to Mark because of last night, because Mark is trying to make him feel better. For his peace of mind, Renjun isn’t asking though, and allows himself at least one more day of selfishness.

After breakfast at the nearby cafe Mark suggests a walk, a quest to find a new place where they could study. Mark reasons that although it’s Saturday they should probably work towards their next week’s assignments, because tomorrow they’re taking the trip to the gaming convention, and since it’s so nice outside maybe they shouldn’t be holed up somewhere indoors. Renjun is almost 100% sure Mark wants to avoid the library - their usual studying spot, to help Renjun, to not remind him of last night and what happened in front of that building.

The truth is Renjun isn’t as bothered anymore. He’s slept the shock off, and when he thinks about it rationally - he has no real reason to be bothered. He didn’t see anyone getting stabbed or whatever happened in that car, he barely heard it, the incident had nothing to do with him. Plus, the police caught the mugger, so there really is no reason to worry. Yet, Renjun’s thankful Mark is so obviously going out of his way for him.

Renjun can’t be sure, but he feels at ease and comfortable with Mark today, more so than he used to. As if the stupid crush-induced heart flutters were gone, or at least subsided. Maybe it’s the fact they woke up next to each other, so Renjun’s head didn’t have yet time to daydream about him - as it often would first thing in the morning. Or maybe it’s Mark’s behavior, being so careful around Renjun, but not in an overpowering way, his presence by Renjun’s side seems quiet and comforting.

Something, he hasn’t figured out what yet, has shifted between them. Maybe just for today, maybe the phenomenon will prevail; Renjun refuses to give it too much thought and tries to simply enjoy this new-found comfort between them.

🌱

Mark almost talks his way into sleeping in Renjun’s room again. He tries to persuade him even - says he can go get his things for the convention and come back, they can go to the train station together in the morning. Renjun just rejects him with a laugh that at least seems genuine; says he will be okay, and Mark should go sleep in his own bed already.

And so, Mark gets to his dorm that evening, Yukhei’s curious eyes following him around the room as he’s putting away his things.

“What?” Mark asks, a bit exasperated, aware of the stare.

Yukhei shrugs and again looks at his phone, “Nothing, just, didn’t see much of you today, ‘s all.”

“Didn’t you get my text last night?” Mark reaches for his phone to check his outbox.

“I know, I know, you were at Renjun’s,” Yukhei seems to suddenly realize what was the reason of Mark’s absence and stops teasing, “Is he okay?”

“Claims to be for tonight,” Mark says with a shrug as he’s putting away the notes he’s worked on today. Without looking at Yukhei, he continues, “Dunno, didn’t wanna leave him alone after we woke up. He seemed pretty spooked last night. But tonight, he insisted I go sleep in my own bed. So, here I am.”

“You sure were looking forward to spending another night with him, huh?” comes Yukhei’s snarky response.

Mark glares at him, “First of all, I’m just worried about him - hope that’s not a crime yet, and second of all, fuck off.” Mark’s lips spread into a smirk, “And where were you last night, by the way? You weren’t here when I came to pick up some stuff…”

Yukhei clears his throat, “Yeah, right. I was out with Jaemin.”

“At 8 in the morning? And also, he was spending the night at the studio, right?” Yukhei’s lack of response is more than telling, “You spent the night there, didn’t you?” Mark lets out a breathy laugh, “Okay, no more questioning, I do not need to hear about that.”

“Geez, shut up, it’s not what you think. We just, talked. Mostly.” Yukhei is fidgeting with his phone a little, unwilling to look at Mark.

“As I said, no further questions.” Mark just smiles to himself, it’s unusual to see Yukhei flustered, but the memory of whatever happened between him and Jaemin last night surely managed it.

Yukhei looks up at Mark, “What about Renjun?”

Mark keeps organizing his notes into folders on his bed without sparing Yukhei a glance, “What about him?”

“I dunno, you guys have started hanging almost everyday now, so I thought...” Yukhei asks carefully.

Mark scoffs, “You’re impossible. He went through something traumatic and didn’t want to be alone, that’s all. I wasn’t there to dwell on my dumb crush.”

“Eh, it’s not as dumb as you think in my opinion, but okay,” Yukhei is back to playing on his phone without a care, all fluster from before gone.

Mark isn’t as humored now, with a pout he just utters, “Whatever.” On one hand, he’s glad he can admit to having a crush, on the other hand, he doesn’t love the way Yukhei gets to tease him.

🌱

Renjun and Jaemin walk together to the bus stop, getting snacks for the train ride on the way. Meeting up with the sophomores just proves to Renjun that the new-found easiness with Mark from yesterday wasn’t a one time thing. Partially, it might be because Yukhei and Jaemin gravitate towards each other as always, so Mark naturally ends up by Renjun’s side. Or it might be how things are now with them, Mark automatically sits next to him and Renjun welcomes it happily.

They find four seats on the train, two couple seats facing each other. Yukhei and Mark by the window, Jaemin and Renjun besides them. They all settle in comfortably as the train is leaving the town, fields and smaller villages now moving past in a blur.

Renjun, although feeling more at ease by Mark’s side than he would have a few days ago, becomes self-conscious upon seeing Jaemin and Yukhei. Something about them is still miles ahead of him and his abilities.

“Is this okay?” Jaemin asks quietly, only for Yukhei to hear, as he leans against his side.

“Sure,” Yukhei smiles at him and quickly leans down to place his lips against Jaemin’s crown of the head for a second, almost like a kiss though smiling. Jaemin reaches for Yukhei’s hand and links their fingers.

It was an interesting exchange from Renjun’s point of view. Jaemin entered Yukhei’s space, Yukhei agreed and returned the touch, and so Jaemin went for another. The affection seems careful but not calculated, as Jaemin said before - just letting things happen.

Renjun looks up from their linked hands and locks gazes with Jaemin, who is smirking at him a little, knowing very well what's been going through Renjun’s mind probably. Jaemin shoots a glance Mark’s way and then back to Renjun with a small smile. Renjun sees Jaemin settle down comfortably against Yukhei’s shoulder and close his eyes.

He is reminded of the talk about bravery he’s had with Jaemin the other day. He ponders on it only for a second before the decision is made as he notices their pinkies are close, Renjun is scared to look down at them, but he thinks he can feel Mark’s warmth. He leans closer and lets out a whispered, “Mark?”

The boy in question turns to Renjun slowly, neither of their hands moving.

Looking at each other, Renjun moves his hands just the half centimeter to touch Mark’s skin, “Is this okay?” his voice is so small he’s worried for a second he didn't really say anything, but Mark just tightens his lips, nods, serious expression on his face and covers Renjun’s hand with his, squeezing tight as he's turning back to look out of the window again.

Renjun wants to exhale deeply and freely as he thinks he should be able to now, with the bravery part done and finished. But Mark’s thumb keeps caressing the back of Renjun’s palm every now and then, like letting him know the hand holding is real; as if to say it means something. At least Renjun daydreams it does.

🌱

Later that evening on their way back from the convention, after a quick stop at a nearby fare, Yukhei and Jaemin are walking in the front, Mark and Renjun a few paces behind them.

“You were right, you know?” Mark says looking forward.

“Right about what?” Renjun smiles. He likes being right, and he realizes he likes it even more when Mark admits it.

Mark nods towards Jaemin and Yukhei, “Those two. You said they didn’t need any nudging together. I can see it now.”

Renjun laughs, “I’m glad you acknowledge that.” He just watches Yukhei and Jaemin for a bit, they’re walking close together, shoulders brushing, a pink balloon floating above Jaemin’s head, tied to his wrist with a thin ribbon, a big plushie bear under his arm. Jaemin looks up at Yukhei every now and then as he’s explaining something and then they both laugh at whatever Jaemin’s shown on his phone. “And you were right as well,” Renjun says in a quiet tone and looks at Mark to catch his attention, “You said they had something you were envious of. I get that, and maybe I’m stupidly scared I’ll never be able to get there with anyone.”

Mark looks at him a little stunned, then sighs looking in front of him at Jaemin and Yukhei again, “Don’t think like that. They’re just different type of people. Your affection is different than theirs, and so is mine, but it can be just as meaningful. It’s not smart to compare these things.”

Renjun smiles, teasingly he says, “Speaking from experience? Experience where you were trying to par with Yukhei’s affection towards the freshmen?”

Mark whines, “Renjunie! Will you ever let that dumb party go?”

Renjun just smiles as innocent as he manages, “Unlikely.”

“You’re terrible,” Mark complains and ruffles Renjun’s hair playfully, holding him in a headlock for a second before he just lets his arm rest around his shoulder. Somehow these simple touches have become how they are now. Renjun feels less butterflies in his tummy and more just security and safety when he’s by Mark’s side.

🌱

One boring Wednesday Renjun is spending some time after classes with Mark in the library again (after some persuasion Mark agreed the library is indeed the easiest spot for them to work, and after Renjun’s promised he’s perfectly okay with walking by and going there, they agreed to move their study sessions back to their preferred spot under the stairs in the somewhat cramped corner).

Renjun accidentally left the notifications of the group chat on during the day so now he has 32 unread messages. He scowls at his phone as he’s clearing the notifications - he promised to Donghyuck he would actually try to keep up with the chat and not just clear the notifications on the control panel once a day. So now he’s scrolling through the texts instead of working on his assignment, just smiling here and there at a funny antic someone’s pulled, and looking through pictures of cats and birds and flowers - unreasonable amounts of pretty things, by Jaemin. Renjun thinks he should consider starting an instagram account instead of posting everything to the group chat.

He scrolls down to the most recent texts from this lunch period.

jeno:  
party at soojin’s this weekend? who’s joining? :D 

jaemin:  
i think yukhei mentioned this! I’ll be there C: 

hyuckhyuck:  
not sure yet TT TT, i have some left over labs to take care of ;;;;; 

jeno:  
nuuuuu, duuuude, no labs!! ;;0;; it’s on friday so pls pls pls let’s just goooo. i’ll help u with ur labs? :D 

hyuckhyuck:  
...ur labs are my labs u idiot. we literally take the same course wtf. but ok! let’s do what we can on thursday and then lets get wasted on friday? xD 

jeno:  
yaaaaas :D:D:D:D 

Renjun lets out a small but noticeable grunt.

“Something wrong?” Mark doesn’t look up from his textbook, just shoots Renjun one quick glance before his attention is back on his assignment.

Renjun sighs, “There’s some party over the weekend or something? At,” he scrolls back up to check the name Jeno’s mentioned, “Soojin’s. Dunno who that is, but it seems like Jeno, Hyuck and Jaemin are going. And Yukhei probably, too.”

Mark’s lips quirk in a curious pout, “And you… don’t wanna go, I’m guessing?”

“I mean, no one is making me go, per se, right? I can just not respond or make an excuse. But that’s the thing, I don’t wanna be left out - feel left out, you know? So, I guess I’ll go. Dunno.” Renjun whines a little and even stomps his foot under the table in mild frustration.

Mark clears his throat instead of laughing, and gives Renjun a once-over, “I take it you’re not really a fan of parties, right? You barely drank at the last one, too.”

Renjun makes a displeased face, “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate alcohol or whatever, I just don’t like losing control, so I keep myself mostly sober, I suppose. No, but the point is, these parties… there’s a lot of people and if I only know a handful of them it gets overwhelming, kind of,” Renjun trails off, slightly embarrassed about this surely dumb issue of his.

“Oh no, I get that. I never attend these things unless Yukhei or at least Johnny is going. But - as long as our friends are going, it should be fine, right?” he shoots Renjun a curious glance again.

Renjun looks off to the side, holding his phone in front of him on the table, like a barrier between himself and the world, “Then I feel like I bother them if I just hang around them all the time. Especially since Jaemin and Yukhei are inseparable and Hyuck and Jeno are sociable as fuck.”

Mark seems like he is trying to make sense of what Renjun is suggesting, “But the last party was fun, right?” Renjun looks up at him with a knowing smile and Mark adds, “I mean, besides the playground bit. It was all fine, right?”

“Yeah, ‘cause we were in a group,” Renjun frowns trying to make up his mind, “I suppose.”

“Well, let’s just be in the same group again. As you said, Jaemin, Jeno, Donghyuck and Yukhei are going. I am going, too, Johnny might come by as well. You come as well and we’re complete,” Mark offers the simple solution with a smile. After seeing the unconvinced expression on Renjun’s face, he adds, “No one will think you’re bothering them. And if they will, you come to me. I won’t be bothered, promise.”

The blinding smile on Mark’s face is so unusual it makes Renjun laugh and look away from him for some reason, “Okay, deal. I guess.”

Renjun pulls out his phone to inform also others.

renjun:  
i might stop by, will let u kno on friday! : )

After some time spent on his mechanics assignment, Renjun looks up at Mark for no real reason, maybe just to look at him. Just to see him work on his geometry assignment or whatever - lotsa rulers and pencils around so yeah, probably some geometry. To notice the dark hair falling into his eyes that he shakes out every few seconds, the glasses he has to adjust all the time as well, the remnants of some acne scars high on his cheeks. Renjun realizes easily that his crush from a few weeks ago grew into something else now. Something that doesn’t make his tummy hurt when he’s around Mark, but the rather makes his heart hurt when he’s not.

“Do you ever think you should get new friends?” Renjun asks out of the blue.

Marks looks up at him with an awkward laugh and a quirk in his brows, obviously taken aback, “Excuse me?”

Renjun vehemently shakes his head, “No, no, wait that sounded worse than I meant it. Not you in particular, just. Okay, so I feel like I have no real friends in my major, the only people I actually care about are our friends group. Isn’t that, I dunno, lame?”

“Renjun, how many friends do you imagine an average person has? Also, if it makes ya feel any better, I don’t have any real friends in my major either. Sure, there are people I greet in the hallways and sometimes we sit together at lunch or compare notes. But that’s it.”

“I guess you’re right.” Renjun looks back down to his assignment, the pictures and graphs again making zero sense to him, so he just opts to look at Mark instead, much nicer view, anyway.

“Actually, that reminds me of something Johnny said to me early in my freshman year when I worried about the same thing. And it may not mean anything in today’s world anymore, but it kinda resonated with me either way. He said: gay kids flock together. And I suppose that’s kinda true. You know, I was lucky to room with Yukhei, and we were both lucky to have met Johnny, who introduced us to more people and so on.”

“And I was lucky to room with Jeno who befriended Yukhei. Otherwise, the two of us probably wouldn’t have met, right?”

“Right,” Mark agrees with a smile.

🌱

After two hours of assignments-pain and one coffee break, Renjun decides to call it quits for the day and go see Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck as he’s promised.

“It’s early yet, you don’t have to go,” Renjun comments when he notices Mark is packing up as well when Renjun’s announced he’s leaving. “I’m meeting up with Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck, you can stay and work more if you need to.”

Mark smiles at him, “Nah, I’ll walk you, I need to go to practice later today anyway. Could use the break at the dorm to be honest,” he says packing up all his rulers and stuff a bit aggressively, probably really could use the break now.

Walking into the cafe - usual spot for Renjun and the others to meet up, Renjun scans the crowd for his friends.

“Over there,” Mark touches Renjun’s elbow to get his attention and with his other hand points to the table, probably having noticed Jaemin’s bright pink hair.

“Hey,” Jeno greets as they come closer. It seems like Jeno is trying his hardest to keep looking up at their faces and not down to where Renjun and Mark are still touching by the elbow, a weird forced smile on Jeno’s lips.

“Hey, guys,” Mark offers a small wave, somewhat awkward and Renjun’s heart grows too big for his chest for a second.

“You could join us if you’d like,” Renjun says quietly to him, no need to use louder voice since Mark is so close.

“Oh, no, no,” Mark politely declines, “That’s okay, you guys have things to catch up on probably, with Jeno and Donghyuck just having come back and all. I’ll see you all at the party on Friday anyway.”

“Okay,” Renjun smiles and right before Mark is about to leave he says, “Oh and, Mark? About the previous party...”

Mark waits for him to finish, looks a bit scared by the mention of that night alone.

“I never said the playground bit wasn’t fun,” he smirks at him a little before breaking into laughter. With a simple smile on his face he waves Mark goodbye.

Mark takes a second to collect himself after that last remark before he gets going.

Donghyuck keeps sipping at his drink through the straw, watching Mark’s retreating back.

“Jaeminie, scoot over,” Renjun nudges him in his hip to move further on the bench. “What did I miss?” Renjun is bracing himself for teasing comments about spending all his time with Mark again, but for some reason that topic is avoided.

“Just the usual,” Donghyuck sighs, half empty cup in front of him, “Jeno and I need a solid plan for tomorrow to work on three labs at once if we want to go to Soojin’s on Friday.”

“Which,” Jeno interjects, “we are going to, right? We can finish the labs on Saturday or Sunday, too.”

Donghyuck scowls, “Like you are ever able to hold a coherent conversation, let alone work on something school related after a hangover. Give me a break. We’re getting this shit done tomorrow.”

“I, for once, am almost done with everything,” Jaemin says triumphantly, folding his hands behind his head, just to collapse against the table in the next second, his tone very quickly changing to despair. “Just to get everything ready for printing next week and then exhibition hell starts. But at least this weekend I’m gonna chill one last time.”

“What about you, Renjun?” Jeno asks.

“I, I’m actually doing okay? Since I dropped one class, it’s been a breeze. Next year will be hell, though.”

“Fuck next year for now. Since you’re such a stellar student right now, you are going with us on Friday, right?” Jeno clasps his hand against Renjun’s shoulder.

“Ah, not sure yet. Maybe.”

Donghyuck notices Jeno’s scowl, “Let him be, he’s always been a weird one. Doesn’t like parties, doesn’t like alcohol. You’re quite unrelatable, Renjun.”

“Fuck off, maybe to the two of you.”

Jaemin raises his hand, “And me. Alcohol is fun!”

“See?” Donghyuck point to Jaemin.

“Whatever,” Renjun scoffs.

🌱

Donghyuck and Jeno need to leave first, hurrying off to their late study group - probably more chem freshmen drowning in the same misery over unfinished labs trying to come up with a battle plan together.

Jaemin and Renjun walk back to the dorms together.

“You could come to the party,” Jaemin tries in a careful voice, “It’ll be fun. One of the last parties in freshman year and all.”

“Hmm, I dunno. I mean, you’ll be spending your all time with Yukhei anyway, not like you’d miss me if I won’t be there.” Renjun laughs, lighthearted tone in his voice.

It might be the low lighting of the lamp posts, but it looks to him like Jaemin flusters, “Yeah, may be.”

Renjun looks him up and down, “Didn’t think you’d just admit that like that. So? You been brave with him lately, then?” he uses the rhetoric Jaemin used in the past.

This sort of conversation is easy with only Jaemin around, without Donghyuck and Jeno. Renjun finds some comfort in it, being able to ask and tell without being teased.

“Yeah,” Jaemin very visibly blushes now. “I might have told him some things and we might have kissed a little.”

Renjun feels that sting of jealousy again, but it’s in a new form now. It’s less of ‘I could never’ and more of ‘I want to hurry there.’ “That’s nice,” he says, “So are you guys like, officially together?”

“Oh, I don’t think so, no,” he admits a little sadly. “Yukhei seems to be against labels or whatever, I’m not sure. I don’t think I should push him into anything, might fuck it up still, so I’m just,” Jaemin shrugs a couple of times, “waiting patiently, I guess.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” Renjun concludes.

Jaemin looks at him properly, gaze boring into the side of his head, drawing Renjun’s attention, “Remember how you said Yukhei and I have this comfortable air around us or however you called it? And you and Mark lack that?” Jaemin waits for Renjun to look at him, “You just never could see the way he looks at you, I suppose. The way you look at each other. You two don’t seem like acquaintances anymore. Trust me, that guy’s all yours. You just gotta take it.”

Renjun sighs and doesn’t respond to that. Jaemin takes the hint and the topic is considered closed, luckily for Renjun.

🌱

Renjun doesn’t even notice Friday rolling around and suddenly Donghyuck shows up at their dorm room. He lets himself in, bottle of some clear liquor under his arm, “Pre-drinks?”

Jeno rejoices and provides three mugs for them, since they don’t own shot glasses. Donghyuck shoots Renjun a questioning glance.

Renjun shrugs, “Sure, I guess.” He figures it might be fun actually drinking for once with Jeno and Donghyuck. He’s decided he’s going to spend the night with them. Partially because he doesn’t want to bother Mark (although he’s insisted he wouldn’t be bothered), partially because he knows what he’d want to tell him if he does see him - and should that happen, he definitely needs some liquid courage, as unwise as it sounds. Renjun has just came to the conclusion he should be brave finally. If not for Mark, then for himself.

Two shots later each, they’re ready to get going. Soojin’s neighborhood is much nicer than Shuhua’s, all the cars parked in front of the houses are one class above what Renjun would consider average. Suddenly he gets this feeling of slight dread about Soojin’s house and belongings, surely inviting strangers to drink at the property can’t be smart.

Jeno nudges his shoulder as they’re nearing the address of the party, “I can see that dumb worried face of yours, what’s up?”

Renjun pretends to be offended, “You saying my face is dumb?”

Donghyuck puts his arm around Renjun’s shoulder from his other side, “You just look like you really could use some loosening up, that’s all.”

Maybe Donghyuck and Jeno are right and Renjun should just chill more. There is nothing to worry about after all. No matter what happens regarding his bravery plan, it’s just Mark, nothing to be afraid of, he’s the one person who’s always made Renjun feel safe after all.

🌱

Mark is talking to Soojin, a good friend of Yukhei’s ex, Yuqi, when the freshmen come in through the front door. Jeno comes in first, a half empty bottle in hand. He walks straight to Mark with a loud, "Markiee" and hangs off him in a really clumsy hug. Mark laughs as Jeno nuzzles into his hair. The hug very much reminds him of the first party of the semester and although Mark was much more drunk back then, he still welcomes this affection easily because Jeno is once again giddy with the alcohol buzzing in his veins, thus, inevitably, cute.

Right after Jeno pulls off, Donghyuck comes into his field of vision, “Mark Lee, my maaaan,” he drags out the last syllable before he actually plants a smooch above Mark’s ear.

“Okaaaaaay,” Mark tries to shake Donghyuck off which isn’t hard at all, because in a second the freshman is attached to Johnny who’s just came out of the kitchen with drinks - Johnny is protesting as well, obviously worried about spilling the beverages.

Renjun walks up to him last, the boy smiles wide - uncharacteristically bright, and Mark sees it in his gaze right away, “Renjunie, you’re drunk already?” Mark teases.

Renjun just nods with a pout and walks into Mark’s space to hug him unceremoniously. Renjun puts his arms around Mark’s waist, chin on Mark’s shoulder, “I drank.” he admits the obvious with a pout in his voice. Mark finds him really cute, can smell the vodka off him and underneath that, a citrusy shampoo. “Just wanna hold you like last time,” Renjun’s arms squeeze tighter around his middle, Mark almost wants to hold him back.

After a second, Mark fidgets and is about to protest, “Renjunie-”

But Renjun beats him to it, “I know it didn’t mean anything to you. But. I liked it.”

Mark can feel the attention of Johnny and Soojin on himself and Renjun, Soojin is smiling into her drink, averting her gaze, Johnny is obviously fighting a fit of laughter.

“Not the smartest thing right now, Renjunie,” Mark is about to push him off when Jeno shows up by their side, pulling Renjun to himself with an arm around his shoulders. Mark finds himself letting go easily, still stunned by Renjun’s bravery - drunken, but still.

Jeno and Donghyuck pull Renjun further into the house, “With so many drinks to drink and so many people to see, we’re not gonna just hang out with your chaperone!” Mark can hear Donghyuck explaining to Renjun, at which Renjun giggles as they’re entering the kitchen. At least Mark knows Jeno and Donghyuck are going to drink with him - no reason for Mark to worry. Not that he had any right to be worried.

🌱

The party has a slightly different feel that the party at Shuhua’s few weeks ago. Soojin’s house is much bigger, thus it seems less crowded, still, there is plenty of new faces. A few hours later though, it all seems the same to Mark, pleasantly buzzed, few shots and three beers in.

“Finally seeing you without that stupid phone of yours,” Mark teases Yukhei. They have found their spot near the entrance to the kitchen, where the first-years are cooking up some more of the No Frown Juice as Donghyuck’s called their really bad mixed drinks.

Yukhei giggles, trying to hide the smile with his hand, “What are you on about? I’m plenty off my phone!”

“Yeah, when you’re face to face with Jaemin, maybe,” Mark laughs upon seeing Yukhei actually fluster. Those two are impossible, Mark shakes his head, “I’m just teasing, come on.”

“Stop fucking around then, yeah,” Yukhei says through laughter, “I don’t think you want me to start teasing you, huh?” Yukhei raises his brows.

Mark is lucky Yukhei wasn’t there yet when the freeshmen showed up, when Renjun plastered himself to Mark. And Mark is not about to mention that, of course. “No, thanks, I’m good. No teasing needed.” He’s aware there’s plenty Yukhei could tease him about in regard to Renjun anyway.

He looks off to the kitchen, sees Donghyuck and Jeno drinking Donghyuck’s recipe for No Frowns, and frowning very much so afterwards. Then Jeno hurries to the kitchen sink to spit it out while Donghyuck is fighting off the shudders. Mark winces upon seeing that and notices Jaemin coming over, there is a slight frown on his face, like he is deep in thought.

Yukhei is expecting Jaemin with a smile and one arm extended, ready to give him a one-armed hug, keep him close, as always. Jaemin dives into the hug without even acknowledging Mark, who just sips from his drink, averting his gaze from them. Still, something around them always feels private.

Without trying though, Mark hears their conversation, tones light.

“Yukhei, I have an important question for you,” Jaemin pouts up at Yukhei from under his arm.

“Oh yeah? What is it?” Yukhei is smiling wide and bright, smile only meant for Jaemin, surely blinding him.

Jaemin pulls away a little, “First question: how sober or drunk are you?”

Yukhei squints, assessing his sobriety, “Sober-ish?”

“How soberish?” the pout is back at Jaemin’s lips.

“I could probably do simple multiplying, but don’t ask me about glycerol compounds? Somewhere between that.” Yukhei is still smiling, slight confusion in the quirk of his lips now.

Jaemin looks down, away from Yukhei and sighs, in a smaller voice, he asks, “Okay, are you able to hold a semi-serious but somewhat really really important conversation?”

Yukhei’s expression changes to a serious one in a split of a second, looks over to Mark and motions to the exit, “Yeah, fuck, sure. What’s up?” He asks and is leading Jaemin out of the living-room. Surely, whatever it is, Yukhei will help ease Jaemin’s mind somehow.

Mark spends some time just watching Donghyuck and Jeno in the kitchen, trying to make random bystanders drink their invention. People just laugh and Jeno drinks more of the concoction and Donghyuck shudders just from watching him do it. Overall, everyone seems to be well entertained by those two clowns.

Mark’s attention falls to a secluded part of the living-room under a wide staircase, most of the living-room is used for dancing, the space by the stairs is the only place where people aren’t moving with the music. Mark sees Renjun talking to a tall boy, handsome as well. Renjun is laughing and actually leaning into the boy’s space a little, inviting the touches to his shoulder, just a light brush but Renjun doesn’t seem bothered. And from all the meters away, for some reason, Mark is.

He recognizes the hot knot in his gut, a little wave of jealousy. He tries to dispel it quickly, feeling ashamed - he has no right to feel anything near jealousy, just because Renjun is talking to a stranger. He’s obviously having a good time and Mark has no reason to keep watching them.

A self-destructive initiative in place, Mark does keep watching them. At some point, Renjun looks to the ground, shaking his head no when the handsome boy is trying to push another glass in his hand. Renjun looks up at him with a forced smile which after a second breaks into a slightly more believable one - drunken happy giggle as he’s taking the drink.

Mark frowns to himself. Regardless of his feelings towards Renjun, this isn’t really a situation anyone would want to be in, and if he were in Renjun’s shoes, he’d welcome one of his friends coming to get him. So, getting over himself a little, Mark, puts down his now empty glass and walks over to Renjun and the nameless boy.

“Hey, Renjun,” he addresses him in a bright tone, just like stopping by after spotting a friend at a party randomly.

Renjun looks up from his glass to Mark and his pout changes into a wide smile in an instant, puts the drink down and laughs as he slings his arms around Mark’s neck, “Markieeee, you found me,” Renjun tries to nuzzle into Mark’s neck, just like when he showed up to the party hours before. Mark holds him by his waist, trying to leave some distance between them, but Renjun won’t have it, it seems. “You always show up when I need you, Mark.” He’s slurring his words and in a way it’s cute, but also it isn’t. Mark knows this is exactly what Renjun doesn’t want, why he usually doesn’t drink.

“How about we go get some air, Renjunie, hm?” Mark is eyeing the tall boy Renjun’s been talking to. The stranger just shrugs and nods dismissively, turns to leave, welcoming shifting the responsibility over Renjun to Mark.

🌱

The back porch is spacious, leading to a proper backyard, places to sit at and a pool included. Most people are having fun by the pool. Mark leads Renjun to sit down at the porch further off to the side, their view showing forests of the hills outside of the town, no more house lights in the sight, Soojin’s house is as at the edge of the residential area, nice and quiet neighborhood.

Renjun spends a few moments just sitting there, chin propped on his knees, hugging his legs to himself, eyes on the tops of the trees at the horizon. Mark watches him, a few careful centimeters between them. He wants to ask if Renjun was having fun, if he’ll be alright. Wants to ask if he minds that Mark came to get him; now doubts finding their way into Mark’s mind. He doesn’t get to dwell on it for too long before Renjun shudders with cold or maybe something else, hugging himself tighter, curling into a small ball, a small space besides Mark. It seems really out of place; to Mark, Renjun is anything but small.

Mark simply puts his arm around Renjun’s shoulder, “Are you cold?”

Renjun looks up at him, slight surprise in his eyes, as if he’s forgotten Mark was sitting next to him at all. He just nods, and Mark pulls him closer to himself, Renjun’s cheek planted against his shoulder immediately.

“Talk to me? I don’t wanna fall asleep,” Renjun pouts, getting more comfortable against Mark’s side.

Mark agrees, thinking Renjun shouldn’t fall asleep with this much alcohol in his body, so he obliges and decides to talk, at least until Renjun is able to walk without a problem again so they can get back to the dorms. He tells Renjun about Soojin and her sister’s new puppy that he got to see in pictures right before Renjun came to the party. He tells him about how he’s always felt out of place around Soojin and Yuqi as they’re in a bit different class than him, both living in mansions basically.

Mark tells Renjun about missing home, but at the same time not having any plans for the summer yet, with his family being abroad and all, feeling a little bummed out as all his older friends and Yukhei will be gone for the summer, to which Renjun mumbles, “I’ll be here.”

Mark looks at him, surprised to see Renjun awake, thinking he’s fallen asleep despite his best efforts, “Yeah?” he asks with a smile, “That’ll be nice.”

After a moment of silence Mark asks, “Did you end up having fun tonight?” Mark hopes the party in Renjun’s memories is more than talking to a tall, handsome boy. But he doesn’t want to ask about that, it leaves a bad taste in his mouth just thinking of it.

“Mhhm,” he nods, “Came to see you, mostly.” Renjun lifts his gaze to meet Mark’s.

“Oh, is that so? Well, now you see me, then.”

Renjun just flashes him a wide smile and Mark feels his gut tighten with a whole new sensation now.

🌱

Mark talks Renjun into leaving soon after. Renjun protests, says he can get back to campus on his own. It’s just a twenty minutes walk and he’s feeling better, his legs aren’t wobbly anymore and so on, obviously worried he’s being a bother to Mark. Mark says he’s tired anyway, so they can just walk together. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, he just wants to get Renjun safely back home, but also doesn’t want to spend more time here.

It takes them more than twenty minutes to get back to the dorms, but they manage it, the summer night letting them enjoy a nice walk.

They get to the front of the freshman dorm, Mark dropping Renjun off like so many times before, and yet different. Renjun stands close to Mark, looking up at him, a thoughtful pout on his lips, studying Mark’s face.

“Renjun, will you be okay getting up to the dorm?” Mark asks.

Renjun takes one step closer, “Yeah. Mark? Thank you, for taking care of me.”

Mark looks at him and just as he’s about to respond, something small like a “of course, always, no problem,” Renjun is in his space and smushes their lips together a bit clumsily, hands holding onto Mark’s neck gently. It’s not forceful or unpleasant. Mark’s breath catches as he realizes what is happening and for a moment he wants to let it happen; Renjun’s warm breath on his skin, this small kiss as an invitation for more. Mark could easily have a lot of questions answered - how does Renjun feel in his arms and does he giggle after he’s kissed? Would he let Mark hold him properly or does he like just chaste almost shy kisses?

Mark wants it, he could easily get it. But it isn’t right. Renjun’s aversion toward alcohol is stemmed from his fear of lack of self-control, which is definitely happening here. And so, Mark decides to be smart, and brave in a way, for both of them and pushes him off.

Hands on Renjun’s hips, looking to the ground between them he says, “Not like this, Renjunie, we’re both drunk.” Mark can feel a weird mixture of regret and relief in his throat as he’s saying the words.

Renjun’s hands drop from Mark’s neck, “Oh.” After a beat of silence that feels like an hour, Renjun says, “You’re right. That would be stupid.”

He steps out of Mark’s personal space, leaving him feeling a sudden rush of cold all over his body, and quickly bids Mark good night without looking at him, disappearing into the dorm building.

🌱

 

Next day, they all meet at ‘late breakfast’ at around two pm, as it became a custom, the freshmen are joining them, too. Renjun sits down the furthest he can from Mark and Mark is reminded of the first party of the semester, when Renjun showed up to the breakfast and obviously didn’t want to sit down next to him, not sparing him a glance.

This feels very similar, but in a way the complete opposite. Renjun doesn’t look at Mark, but unlike last time, he’s only avoiding him. Renjun is laughing with Jeno and Jaemin, doesn’t have a problem reminiscing about last night with Johnny and Yukhei or respond to Donghyuck’s teasing about his alcohol consumption. Renjun’s managed to make Mark feel invisible, something Mark would have never expected.

Mark does his best to return the favor of ignoring Renjun, not looking at him more than necessary. Seeing Renjun doesn’t do him any good this morning, Mark finds. His hangover is mild, but the headache is real when he starts remembering last night. The slight but very real jealousy he felt upon seeing Renjun flirting with a stranger, someone other than him. The small nothings he was saying to Renjun at the back porch and the walk back to the dorms, Renjun’s arm linked with his. And of course, the kiss. Just a very chaste beginning of something that could have turned into a kiss, but it was enough to leave Mark restless the whole night. Regardless of how his hangover is treating him, he doesn’t have that much appetite, just pushing his food around on the plate.

Mark does his best to at least follow the conversation at the table.

“So, where did the night take you at last, Jaeminie? We got back at around,” Donghyuck looks at Jeno to get a confirming nod, “three in the morning, but no sight of you and I’m pretty sure you’ve left the party before us?”

Jaemin shoots a shy smile up at Yukhei by his side, gives him a small nod and from where Mark is sitting it looks like he’s reached for Yukhei’s hand under the table.

“Everyone,” Yukhei sits up straighter and clears his throat, “We would like to tell you something. As of last night, I have a boyfriend. And so does Jaeminie.”

That earns him a few confused glances, “What Yukhei is trying to say,” Jaemin jumps in for a quick save, “is that we got together. I am the boyfriend. And he is the boyfriend.” Correcting Yukhei’s take in the news just proves difficult enough to decipher for Jaemin as well, his face showing a confused squint.

“Yes, yes, we know. You and Yukhei are in love. That’s like two months old news,” Donghyuck says a bit bitterly as he’s handing some bills to a smug-looking Jeno, “Anyone else obviously in love wants to share some heart-warming news?” Donghyuck first eyes Mark whose face is surely as red as the school canteen trays, and then shoots a glance to Renjun who is ignoring both Donghyuck’s and Mark’s gazes.

“Jaemin, congrats,” Renjun says to his friend in a small voice, a somewhat sad smile on his lips.

Mark’s heart plummets to the ground.

🌱

Renjun has been drunk before, he has suffered hangovers before, real ones, ugly ones, the kind that would make him miss class the next day.

This is different. Sure, he is actually hungover in the morning following the party, his head is a real killer and he downs some aspirin first thing after waking up. But this is the worst he’s ever felt after drinking. And he usually feels bad. Losing even the slightest amount of control makes him uncomfortable. First party in winter semester he attended with Jeno and Donghyuck, Renjun had something to drink and ended up ugly snorting while giggling at something that seemed hilarious at that moment. He’s spent weeks just thinking about that embarrassing giggling fit. He would take that sort of embarrassing over last night any day.

He thinks it’s kind of a blessing and a curse, two-in-one bundle, that he remembers usually a lot. He remembers how he entered the party, right into Mark’s hug. He remembers how uncharacteristically he behaved around the engineering junior he ended up talking to at the party, the boy was clearly hitting on him and Renjun was flirting back. Not something he would normally do. He remembers clinging to Mark when he came to get him, then at the back porch, then on their way home.

And then in front of the dorm.

And he remembers his mistake. He thought the moment was right, Mark was right there and kept him company all night and made him feel safe and it felt like it couldn’t go wrong, like perhaps, Mark might like him like that as well. Like perhaps, it was the moment for Renjun to be brave and take what he wants.

He stupidly thought he could imitate the naive ideas about confessions and affection he had. And it took a lot of that silly bravery to get around to it. Renjun was preparing for the mistake half the night, since Mark came to get him near the staircase at the party. He wanted to kiss him right then and there, but thought he should wait for privacy, for somewhere nicer and calmer and more - theirs.

And then they were by the entrance to the dorm, and on the one hand, it was his last chance and on the other hand, it was perfect, because that very spot has been their meeting point for the last couple of weeks.

After getting rejected, Renjun felt terrible. Ashamed and embarrassed, but also just plain bad. Mark is a good friend and didn’t deserve this. The whole point of befriending Mark at first was to not fuck up the group dynamics, and now maybe Renjun’s managed to do exactly that. At the late breakfast slash lunch, he wasn’t even able to look at Mark, that’s how much he’s managed to fuck up.

At first, Renjun thinks he’s going to wait it out. All shame always disappears after some time, after all. But the lunch with everyone shows him, he doesn't want that. Renjun’s actually felt close to Mark, regardless of his crush or whatever feelings he thought he was nursing towards the sophomore. They became actual friends over the weeks and Renjun’s managed to screw that up during one drunken night. There wasn’t a proper apology he could offer, but probably some apology is better than nothing. Than radio silence.

Renjun thought he was being brave last night, when he drank and then gathered courage to attempt to kiss his crush. That bravery was nothing compared to how he’s feeling right now, what he needs to do.

His hands are clammy as he’s staring the text message he’s typed, the blinking cursor at the end daunting him.

renjun:  
hi, could we meet today behind faculty at the spot in the park where we studied that one time? 4pm or so? lmk, thx

Renjun isn’t about to plead with Mark, he isn’t planning on confessing or asking for things to get back to what they were. He doesn’t really feel like he deserves that, at least not yet. Trying to make amends is the best he can do right now. So that’s what he goes for.

And hits send.

🌱

Mark walks up the small but steep hill behind their faculty building, turning the corner he can see Renjun under the tree holding two paper cups, standing near the bench where they studied the day after Mark spent the night at Renjun’s – somewhat of a milestone in their friendship; there was somewhat of a shift since then. A pleasant, quiet but a really noticeable shift.

“Hey,” Mark says as he comes up to him, tone careful.

Renjun doesn’t look at him, just holds out one of the cups for Mark to take. Reaching over for it, Mark notices the ripples in the liquid surface; Renjun’s hand shaking with fear and insecurity, Mark’s heart aching to make it better.

After a few moments Renjun finally speaks, still without looking up at him “I screwed it all up, didn't I? That's okay. No, not okay,” he shakes his head, “but - I wanted something more than you and also got stupidly drunk and it's all just not fair. I’m sorry, Mark,” Renjun finally looks up and his eyes seem to be just a little wet.

Mark shakes his head sighing, puts his coffee onto the bench, takes Renjun’s cup from him as well to put it aside, he doesn’t protest.

Mark steps closer to Renjun, “You asked me to hold you last night, like I did back then, remember?” he asks in a small voice. Not trying to shame or tease Renjun, just trying to find out how much he remembers.

Renjun’s gaze shoots up to him, guilt and some form of fear showing in his eyes, and nods. “‘ve always wanted it,” he says almost without any air in his words.

Mark steps into his space and slowly hugs Renjun, should he flinch or want to shove him off, Mark is giving him plenty of opportunities. Renjun stands still, and Mark holds him close, arms slung around his shoulders. They’ve never been close like this, not sober, not when it would count. Mark is hoping this one time could count. He pets the back of Renjun’s head lightly, “Still using the same shampoo as well?”

Renjun finally huffs out a small laugh and Mark can feel Renjun’s arms coming around his middle, tentative touch, “Yeah, you got a good nose.”

They pull off a little, just enough to be able to look at each other, Mark keeps his hands at the front of Renjun’s hoodie now, hanging off his pockets, Renjun holds onto Mark’s sweater by the sides too, both hanging off a lifeline.

“You drank a lot last night,” he searches for Renjun’s eyes, the boy looks off to the side, unwilling to cooperate, “Talked to some strangers as well?” he adds, hoping for a reaction.

Renjun ducks his head, smiling to himself he says, “And you found me again.”

“We sat at the back porch together for some time.”

“You mentioned how there is much more stars back home in the night sky,” Renjun isn’t looking at him, but Mark can see the relaxed expression and smile on his face. Mark’s lungs feel a bit lighter upon that sight.

Mark laughs a bit awkwardly remembering that, “Yeah, I felt embarrassed because you only kept looking at me then.”

“I haven't really seen anyone else but you for some time now,” Renjun admits in a small tone, again some of the initial fear mixing into his voice. After a moment of silence between them, Renjun looks up at him again, that worried expression again in his eyes, “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you. That’s where I fucked up, I shouldn’t have - you said it before, maybe our affection is a different kind and I should have left it at that. It was good before, right?”

Mark shakes his head with a weak smile, “That’s not the point, Renjunie. I’m not opposed to things changing,” he’s trying to catch Renjun’s gaze, but without luck, “We were both drunk and it wasn’t the right time. And with all the alcohol you drank - I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just a momentarily need for you. I just needed it to mean something to you. That’s all.”

Renjun looks up at him, brows creased in determination, “Could it… could it mean something now, then?”

Mark’s lips break into a real smile, right before they kiss, he exhales “Yeah. Yeah, let’s make it mean something.”

Mark learns that Renjun doesn’t mind being held close and also quickly gains courage to kiss him eagerly, initiative that Mark welcomes. He doesn’t giggle after being kissed properly, only reciprocates the advances happily. And holding Renjun feels just right.

🌱

Later that day, after another conversation and half with Mark, after they’ve agreed to start dating, after they’ve kissed more (that was half of one of the conversations lost), after Renjun’s held Mark’s hand as they’ve walked through campus, after Mark has dropped him off by the entrance to the freshman dorm, kissing him good night, Renjun decides to break the news to his friends via their group chat.

renjun:  
jaeminie, i wanted to say again im happy for u and yukhei ;;  i wasnt feeling that well this morning so the message could have been lost lmao 

jaemin:  
thank youuuu c: 

renjun:  
and to come clean, too. im basically dropping by to let yall know me and mark are together. we didnt mean to steal ur thunder or whatever, it just happened i promise ;; 

jaemin:  
o:  whhaaAAAAAAA renjunie thats!!!! its happy news right? c: pls learn to use SOME emojis i cant tell if ure happy lol  
we had a deal after all, m proud we both ended up being brave C:

hyuckhyuck:  
oh renjunieee ^0^  thank u for sharing this happy news with us ^u^ 

renjun:  
lmao ok hyuck wtf.  
haha yeah. and yes it is happy news  :) 

jeno:  
dont mind hyuck. it just seems i’ll be giving him back the money i won thanks to yukhei and jaemin.  
also, of course were happy for u :D  
u can both finally stop pining right in front of us all the fucking time lmao

jaemin:  
can you fucking stop betting money on when your friends will get into relationships???? omggg

hyuckhyuck:  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
stop being so obvious then?

🌱

**Author's Note:**

> thnx for reading.  
> if you're interested about the lumin side of things, there is part two already up in this series. ✌️


End file.
